H. P. Lovecraft - Hypnos.pdf - H. P. Lovecraft - margozap

Hypnos

byH. P. Lovecraft

Written Mar 1922

Published May 1923 in The National Amateur, Vol. 45, No. 5, pages 1-3.

Apropos of sleep, that sinister adventure of all our nights, we may say that men

goto bed daily with an audacity that would be incomprehensible if we did not

knowthat it is the result of ignorance of the danger.

-Baudelaire

May the merciful gods, if indeed there be such, guard those hours when no power

ofthe will, or drug that the cunning of man devises, can keep me from the chasm

ofsleep. Death is merciful, for there is no return therefrom, but with him who

hascome back out of the nethermost chambers of night, haggard and knowing,

peacerests nevermore. Fool that I was to plunge with such unsanctioned phrensy

intomysteries no man was meant to penetrate; fool or god that he was-my only

friend, who led me and went before me, and who in the end passed into terrors

whichmay yet be mine!

We met, I recall, in a railway station, where he was the center of a crowd of

thevulgarly curious. He was unconscious, having fallen in a kind of convulsion

whichimparted to his slight black-clad body a strange rigidity. I think he was

thenapproaching forty years of age, for there were deep lines in the face, wan

andhollow-cheeked, but oval and actually beautiful; and touches of gray in the

thick, waving hair and small full beard which had once been of the deepest raven

black. His brow was white as the marble of Pentelicus, and of a height and

breadthalmost god-like.

I said to myself, with all the ardor of a sculptor, that this man was a faun's

statueout of antiqueHellas, dug from a temple's ruins and brought somehow to

lifein our stifling age only to feel the chill and pressure of devastating

years. And when he opened his immense, sunken, and wildly luminous black eyes I

knewhe would be thence-forth my only friend-the only friend of one who had

neverpossessed a friend before-for I saw that such eyes must have looked fully

uponthe grandeur and the terror of realms beyond normal consciousness and

reality; realms which I had cherished in fancy, but vainly sought. So as I drove

thecrowd away I told him he must come home with me and be my teacher and leader

inunfathomed mysteries, and he assented without speaking a word. Afterward I

foundthat his voice was music-the music of deep viols and of crystalline

spheres. We talked often in the night, and in the day, when I chiseled busts of

himand carved miniature heads in ivory to immortalize his different

expressions.

Of our studies it is impossible to speak, since they held so slight a connection

withanything of the world as living men conceive it. They were of that vaster

andmore appalling universe of dim entity and consciousness which lies deeper

thanmatter, time, and space, and whose existence we suspect only in certain

formsof sleep- those rare dreams beyond dreams which come never to common men,

andbut once or twice in the lifetime of imaginative men. The cosmos of our

wakingknowledge, born from such an universe as a bubble is born from the pipe

ofa jester, touches it only as such a bubble may touch its sardonic source when

suckedback by the jester's whim. Men of learning suspect it little and ignore

itmostly. Wise men have interpreted dreams, and the gods have laughed. One man

withOriental eyes has said that all time and space are relative, and men have

laughed. But even that man with Oriental eyes has done no more than suspect. I

hadwished and tried to do more than suspect, and my friend had tried and partly

succeeded. Then we both tried together, and with exotic drugs courted terrible

andforbidden dreams in the tower studio chamber of the old manor-house in hoary

Kent.

Among the agonies of these after days is that chief of torments-

inarticulateness. What I learned and saw in those hours of impious exploration

cannever be told-for want of symbols or suggestions in any language. I say this

becausefrom first to last our discoveries partook only of the nature of

sensations; sensations correlated with no impression which the nervous system of

normalhumanity is capable of receiving. They were sensations, yet within them

layunbelievable elements of time and space-things which at bottom possess no

distinctand definite existence. Human utterance can best convey the general

characterof our experiences by calling them plungings or soarings; for in every

periodof revelation some part of our minds broke boldly away from all that is

realand present, rushing aerially along shocking, unlighted, and fear-haunted

abysses, and occasionally tearing through certain well-marked and typical

obstaclesdescribable only as viscous, uncouth clouds of vapors.

In these black and bodiless flights we were sometimes alone and sometimes

together. When we were together, my friend was always far ahead; I could

comprehendhis presence despite the absence of form by a species of pictorial

memorywhereby his face appeared to me, golden from a strange light and

frightfulwith its weird beauty, its anomalously youthful cheeks, its burning

eyes, its Olympian brow, and its shadowing hair and growth of beard.

Of the progress of time we kept no record, for time had become to us the merest

illusion. I know only that there must have been something very singular

involved, since we came at length to marvel why we did not grow old. Our

discoursewas unholy, and always hideously ambitious-no god or daemon could have

aspiredto discoveries and conquest like those which we planned in whispers. I

shiveras I speak of them, and dare not be explicit; though I will say that my

friendonce wrote on paper a wish which he dared not utter with his tongue, and

whichmade me burn the paper and look affrightedly out of the window at the

spanglednight sky. I will hint-only hint- that he had designs which involved

therulership of the visible universe and more; designs whereby the earth and

thestars would move at his command, and the destinies of all living things be

his. I affirm-I swear-that I had no share in these extreme aspirations. Anything

myfriend may have said or written to the contrary must be erroneous, for I am

noman of strength to risk the unmentionable spheres by which alone one might

achievesuccess.

There was a night when winds from unknown spaces whirled us irresistibly into

limitlessvacua beyond all thought and entity. Perceptions of the most

maddeninglyuntransmissible sort thronged upon us; perceptions of infinity which

atthe time convulsed us with joy, yet which are now partly lost to my memory

andpartly incapable of presentation to others. Viscous obstacles were clawed

throughin rapid succession, and at length I felt that we had been borne to

realmsof greater remoteness than any we had previously known.

My friend was vastly in advance as we plunged into this awesome ocean of virgin

aether, and I could see the sinister exultation on his floating, luminous,

too-youthfulmemory-face. Suddenly that face became dim and quickly disappeared,

andin a brief space I found myself projected against an obstacle which I could

notpenetrate. It was like the others, yet incalculably denser; a sticky clammy

mass, if such terms can be applied to analogous qualities in a non-material

sphere.

I had, I felt, been halted by a barrier which my friend and leader had

successfullypassed. Struggling anew, I came to the end of the drug-dream and

openedmy physical eyes to the tower studio in whose opposite corner reclined

thepallid and still unconscious form of my fellow dreamer, weirdly haggard and

wildlybeautiful as the moon shed gold-green light on his marble features.

Then, after a short interval, the form in the corner stirred; and may pitying

heavenkeep from my sight and sound another thing like that which took place

beforeme. I cannot tell you how he shrieked, or what vistas of unvisitable

hellsgleamed for a second in black eyes crazed with fright. I can only say that

I fainted, and did not stir till he himself recovered and shook me in his

phrensyfor someone to keep away the horror and desolation.

That was the end of our voluntary searchings in the caverns of dream. Awed,

shaken, and portentous, my friend who had been beyond the barrier warned me that

wemust never venture within those realms again. What he had seen, he dared not

tellme; but he said from his wisdom that we must sleep as little as possible,

evenif drugs were necessary to keep us awake. That he was right, I soon learned

fromthe unutterable fear which engulfed me whenever consciousness lapsed.

After each short and inevitable sleep I seemed older, whilst my friend aged with

arapidity almost shocking. It is hideous to see wrinkles form and hair whiten

almostbefore one's eyes. Our mode of life was now totally altered. Heretofore a

recluseso far as I know-his true name and origin never having passed his

lips-my friend now became frantic in his fear of solitude. At night he would not

bealone, nor would the company of a few persons calm him. His sole relief was

obtainedin revelry of the most general and boisterous sort; so that few

assembliesof the young and gay were unknown to us.

Our appearance and age seemed to excite in most cases a ridicule which I keenly

resented, but which my friend considered a lesser evil than solitude. Especially

washe afraid to be out of doors alone when the stars were shining, and if

forcedto this condition he would often glance furtively at the sky as if hunted

bysome monstrous thing therein. He did not always glance at the same place in

thesky-it seemed to be a different place at different times. On spring evenings

itwould be low in the northeast. In the summer it would be nearly overhead. In

theautumn it would be in the northwest. In winter it would be in the east, but

mostlyif in the small hours of morning.

Midwinter evenings seemed least dreadful to him. Only after two years did I

connectthis fear with anything in particular; but then I began to see that he

mustbe looking at a special spot on the celestial vault whose position at

differenttimes corresponded to the direction of his glance-a spot roughly

markedby the constellation Corona Borealis.

We now had a studio inLondon, never separating, but never discussing the days

whenwe had sought to plumb the mysteries of the unreal world. We were aged and

weakfrom our drugs, dissipations, and nervous overstrain, and the thinning hair

andbeard of my friend had become snow-white. Our freedom from long sleep was

surprising, for seldom did we succumb more than an hour or two at a time to the

shadowwhich had now grown so frightful a menace.

Then came one January of fog and rain, when money ran low and drugs were hard to

buy. My statues and ivory heads were all sold, and I had no means to purchase

newmaterials, or energy to fashion them even had I possessed them. We suffered

terribly, and on a certain night my friend sank into a deep-breathing sleep from

whichI could not awaken him. I can recall the scene now-the desolate,

pitch-blackgarret studio under the eaves with the rain beating down; the

tickingof our lone clock; the fancied ticking of our watches as they rested on

thedressing-table; the creaking of some swaying shutter in a remote part of the

house; certain distant city noises muffled by fog and space; and, worst of all,

thedeep, steady, sinister breathing of my friend on the couch-a rhythmical

breathingwhich seemed to measure moments of supernal fear and agony for his

spiritas it wandered in spheres forbidden, unimagined, and hideously remote.

The tension of my vigil became oppressive, and a wild train of trivial

impressionsand associations thronged through my almost unhinged mind. I heard a

clockstrike somewhere-not ours, for that was not a striking clock-and my morbid

fancyfound in this a new starting-point for idle wanderings.

Clocks-time-space-infinity- and then my fancy reverted to the locale as I

reflectedthat even now, beyond the roof and the fog and the rain and the

atmosphere, Corona Borealis was rising in the northeast. Corona Borealis, which

myfriend had appeared to dread, and whose scintillant semicircle of stars must

evennow be glowing unseen through the measureless abysses of aether. All at

oncemy feverishly sensitive ears seemed to detect a new and wholly distinct

componentin the soft medley of drug-magnified sounds-a low and damnably

insistentwhine from very far away; droning, clamoring, mocking, calling, from

thenortheast.

But it was not that distant whine which robbed me of my faculties and set upon

mysoul such a seal of fright as may never in life be removed; not that which

drewthe shrieks and excited the convulsions which caused lodgers and police to

breakdown the door. It was not what I heard, but what I saw; for in that dark,

locked, shuttered, and curtained room there appeared from the black northeast

cornera shaft of horrible red-gold light-a shaft which bore with it no glow to

dispersethe darkness, but which streamed only upon the recumbent head of the

troubledsleeper, bringing out in hideous duplication the luminous and strangely

youthfulmemory-face as I had known it in dreams of abysmal space and unshackled

time, when my friend had pushed behind the barrier to those secret, innermost

andforbidden caverns of nightmare.

And as I looked, I beheld the head rise, the black, liquid, and deep-sunken eyes

openin terror, and the thin, shadowed lips part as if for a scream too

frightfulto be uttered. There dwelt in that ghastly and flexible face, as it

shonebodiless, luminous, and rejuvenated in the blackness, more of stark,

teeming, brain-shattering fear than all the rest of heaven and earth has ever

revealedto me.

No word was spoken amidst the distant sound that grew nearer and nearer, but as

I followed the memory-face's mad stare along that cursed shaft of light to its

source, the source whence also the whining came, I, too, saw for an instant what

itsaw, and fell with ringing ears in that fit of shrieking epilepsy which

broughtthe lodgers and the police. Never could I tell, try as I might, what it

actuallywas that I saw; nor could the still face tell, for although it must

haveseen more than I did, it will never speak again. But always I shall guard

againstthe mocking and insatiate Hypnos, lord of sleep, against the night sky,

andagainst the mad ambitions of knowledge and philosophy.

Just what happened is unknown, for not only was my own mind unseated by the

strangeand hideous thing, but others were tainted with a forgetfulness which

canmean nothing if not madness. They have said, I know not for what reason,

thatI never had a friend; but that art, philosophy, and insanity had filled all

mytragic life. The lodgers and police on that night soothed me, and the doctor

administeredsomething to quiet me, nor did anyone see what a nightmare event

hadtaken place. My stricken friend moved them to no pity, but what they found

onthe couch in the studio made them give me a praise which sickened me, and now

afame which I spurn in despair as I sit for hours, bald, gray-bearded,

shriveled, palsied, drug-crazed, and broken, adoring and praying to the object

theyfound.

For they deny that I sold the last of my statuary, and point with ecstasy at the

thingwhich the shining shaft of light left cold, petrified, and unvocal. It is

allthat remains of my friend; the friend who led me on to madness and wreckage;

agodlike head of such marble as only oldHellascould yield, young with the

youththat is outside time, and with beauteous bearded face, curved, smiling

lips, Olympian brow, and dense locks waving and poppy-crowned. They say that

thathaunting memory-face is modeled from my own, as it was at twenty-five; but

uponthe marble base is carven a single name in the letters of Attica-HYPNOS.

Last modified:12/18/199918:44:00

H. P. Lovecraft - Hypnos.pdf

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