relax_its_just_sex.txt

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{970}{990}Welcome.
{994}{1033}And thank you for|choosing to view
{1111}{1151}We here at Forefront Films
{1155}{1197}and Sneak Preview Entertainment
{1201}{1231}understand that some
{1236}{1266}of you may have never seen|homosexuals
{1270}{1361}engaged in any sort|of positive physical contact.
{1366}{1403}So we would like|to take a moment,
{1407}{1463}before we start,|to acclimate you.
{1486}{1538}This is a lipstick-lesbian,
{1542}{1594}so called because|of her feminine beauty,
{1598}{1642}her rose-colored lip cosmetics,
{1646}{1709}and her homosexual predilection.
{1723}{1782}And this is another|lipstick lesbian.
{1829}{1848}You see?
{1852}{1901}Nothing to be frightened of.
{1905}{1956}In fact, many heterosexual men
{1960}{2060}consider such images beautiful|and/or sexually arousing.
{2064}{2121}Now, le�s move onto men.
{2126}{2164}This is a gay man,
{2168}{2262}or what some in the community|might designate as a "gym queen,"
{2266}{2345}so called because of his time|spent at the local gymnasium
{2349}{2421}perfecting his musculature.
{2425}{2476}And here is another|homosexual man.
{2499}{2577}You see, just like two buddies|after a ball game.
{2585}{2646}Again,|nothing to be afraid of.
{2688}{2745}Thus ends our introduction.
{2758}{2846}We hope this has been informative|as well enlightening.
{2857}{2895}Enjoy the show.
{3450}{3483}Okay, so I'm going down on this guy.
{3487}{3579}I like him and i�s a million years|since I've been with anyone and,
{3583}{3635}maybe i�s only a month|since I've had sex,
{3639}{3676}but it seems like a million years.
{3680}{3741}Anyway, i�s been years since|I've been with someone I liked.
{3752}{3841}Not that I know him that well,|but he reminds me of an ex.
{3845}{3885}Anyway, he's got a great body
{3889}{3930}and there's a real|physical attraction,
{3934}{3963}so at least tha�s a start.
{3967}{4045}To be honest, I feel like|I could really love this guy.
{4049}{4114}Okay, so I can't remember|his name right now,
{4118}{4185}butat the time I felt like|I really, really loved him.
{4199}{4218}Or could love him.
{4222}{4263}It was intense, tha�s the point.
{4273}{4358}So I had been down on him|for like all of one second,
{4362}{4413}and all of a sudden he cums...
{4427}{4513}Okay, okay, so I'm thinking,|what should I do?
{4518}{4548}Should I spit it out|on his stomach?
{4553}{4610}In my hand?|On a nearby towel?
{4614}{4634}Should I swallow?
{4642}{4682}What would Miss Manners do|in this situation?
{4695}{4730}And suddenly I remember
{4734}{4791}what my friend Tara once told me.
{4816}{4859}So I was brought up to be a good,
{4863}{4941}obedient Catholic girl, who always|did what was expected.
{4945}{4994}Who knew you could spit?
{4999}{5049}Until my friends told me|I was nuts.
{5053}{5106}They ask me if I'm a spitter|or a swallower,
{5110}{5145}like there's a friggin'choice.
{5149}{5199}And then they tell me that they|spit it out all the time,
{5203}{5242}and guys don't even notice.
{5246}{5303}So, never do anythin'|you don't want to,
{5307}{5356}even if it seems rude|at the time.
{5360}{5405}Because all men, basically,|are dogs.
{5409}{5477}Some are poodles, some Dobermans,|but you're all dogs.
{5482}{5533}So that got me to thinkin',|what do straight guys do?
{5549}{5627}I asked Tara's man if straight guys|swallow when they go down on women,
{5641}{5705}and if the women notice one way|or the other.
{5722}{5759}But he was just vague.
{5780}{5800}I don't know.
{5804}{5860}Usually, they're just so stoked|that i�s happening,
{5864}{5904}they don't really want to ask|any questions.
{5908}{5952}So then I decided ask|my friend Megan
{5956}{6006}about lesbians but she was no help.
{6010}{6098}No, Vincey, we don't swallow.|We spit it out into Mason jars
{6103}{6186}and then examine it at our weekly|Womyn's Encounter Sessions.
{6249}{6302}Okay, so some people don't like|talking about this stuff.
{6310}{6363}But I think i�s important,
{6367}{6395}'cause to tell you the truth,|I don't mind swallowing.
{6399}{6432}It makes me feel closer to the guy.
{6436}{6476}L�sjust all this HIVstuff.
{6480}{6547}And I did want to prove my love|to wha�s his name here.
{6552}{6619}And then I started thinking about|this guy Ned and decided it was
{6623}{6647}all his fault.
{6651}{6718}One night I spent eight hours,
{6722}{6770}count 'em, 8 hours! Tryin'|to make this guy cum.
{6791}{6850}After the first hour,|it is no longer any fun.
{6855}{6887}After the second hour,|it becomes a thing of pride.
{6891}{6930}After that, i�s like being stuck
{6934}{7027}at an Andrew Lloyd Webber show.|You're prayin'for it to be over.
{7031}{7054}All of a sudden I just said,
{7058}{7092}Fuck it.|I'mjust gonna swallow.
{7100}{7150}This'll prove to Speedy here|that I love him
{7154}{7204}and then we'll move in together,|get a dog,
{7226}{7276}pick china patterns,|get Lakers season tickets
{7280}{7329}and live happily ever after.
{7339}{7395}So I swallowed.
{7434}{7474}And at that moment I felt love.
{7482}{7501}I really did...
{7519}{7569}For about twenty seconds,|it felt really great.
{7608}{7677}- And then this guy says,|- 'You really shouldn't have.
{7681}{7733}L�s really not considered safe."
{7753}{7845}"Nothing's a hundred percent|safe you fucking idiot!"
{7852}{7916}Tha�s what I wanted to scream.|Instead, I just smiled.
{7920}{8002}Thank you Dr. Jocelyn Elders|for that safe sex tidbit.
{8032}{8062}And then he says to me
{8067}{8152}he can't stay, but he had|a good time so he hopes I call.
{8156}{8210}Then he makes a big deal about|giving me his pager number,
{8218}{8275}and le�s get together again.
{8355}{8407}So then I rush into my bathroom
{8411}{8477}and I gargle furiously
{8481}{8546}with extra-strength|disinfectant mouthwash.
{8560}{8607}I even swallow.
{8647}{8701}Why do I always swallow?
{8770}{8796}And now I'm gonna die.
{8800}{8866}Would you stop being such|a drama queen about this?
{8882}{8932}"Hy? I never get to be|the drama queen.
{8936}{8991}Vincey, get this|through your thick skull.
{8995}{9036}Javi's the drama queen,
{9040}{9084}I'm the drama queen mother,
{9088}{9138}and you're just|a little princess.
{9176}{9243}I'm gonna die and I never|had any of my plays produced.
{9247}{9306}- You did too!|- I mean in New York.
{9316}{9371}"Naked Busboys,"|last summer?
{9376}{9416}Poughkeepsie doesn't count.
{9421}{9467}Well, so you're not dead yet.
{9471}{9538}Why don't you stop whinin'|and start writin'.
{9568}{9660}Well, at least I know now|that I am definitely over men.
{9664}{9727}This has finally made me see|that I'mjust the type of person
{9731}{9800}who doesn't mate for life:|A lone wolf,
{9804}{9856}a free bird, a Kennedy.
{9894}{9943}So I'm giving up|the illusion right now.
{9954}{10007}I am not going to waste|any more of my time
{10011}{10074}searching in vain for someone|to share my life with.
{10082}{10141}Sleeping around is dangerous.
{10145}{10213}Being in a relationship|is impossible. Men are scum.
{10217}{10269}And I want nothing more|to do with them.
{10294}{10358}Tara, guess what.|I just met the cutest guy.
{10370}{10400}So here's what happened.
{10405}{10449}- We started talking...|- Right.
{10453}{10496}One thing led to another...
{10516}{10575}- and we're having dinner Friday.|- Wait a minute.
{10579}{10659}- Friday night?|- Gym-boy's coming Friday night?
{10673}{10712}"Hat, are you nuts?|"E're going to Marix.
{10716}{10767}- Marix?|- Yeah. Javi suggested it.
{10771}{10828}No, Vincey!|"Hat about dinner with us?
{10842}{10899}- You said it was no big deal.|- No no.
{10907}{10963}L�s no big deal if you come.
{10967}{11025}If you don't come,|i�s a huge deal.
{11029}{11051}Why?
{11055}{11081}"Ell...
{11102}{11130}Because...
{11143}{11200}Robin and Sarina|are gonna be there.
{11204}{11240}And you know how lesbians
{11244}{11307}make Gus nervous.|Ever since he saw
{11311}{11347}"Basic Instinct"...
{11371}{11399}and that was years ago.
{11415}{11454}Okay, so, wha�s going on?
{11481}{11503}Nothin'.
{11565}{11599}Oh, really?
{11603}{11640}I'm not supposed to tell you.
{11658}{11691}But you're going to, right?
{11695}{11744}Okay, but you have to swear|not to tell anybody.
{11748}{11819}- You're a tough nut to crack.|- Vincey, you have to swear.
{11823}{11879}Just swear, Vincey,|or forget it.
{11883}{11933}I swear. There, you happy?
{11994}{12018}Okay...
{12084}{12162}Javi just found out|he's HIV positive.
{12182}{12203}What?
{12219}{12239}Yeah.
{12243}{12295}My God, I was just talkin' to him.
{12299}{12380}- What are his T-cells?|- Don't make a big deal about this.
{12384}{12435}Has he started the cocktail yet?
{12439}{12504}He's fine, okay?|End of discussion.
{12509}{12537}Man.
{12541}{12627}Just let Javi tell you the way|he wants to, okay?
{12631}{12679}Just be there Friday night.
{12683}{12746}Because i�ll be|depressing for him
{12750}{12816}to be around his brother who's|in a good relationship with me,
{12820}{12896}and Dwight and Diego,|and Robin and Sarina and,
{12900}{12952}you know even Megan and Jared...
{12956}{12998}You have to be there to remind him
{13002}{13087}there are other Ionely,|desperate gays still around.
{13123}{13165}Well, as long|as you put it that way.
{13181}{13235}Vincey, you know|what I'm talking about.
{13242}{13319}You have a lot going for you,|but you're not in a relationship.
{13333}{13390}Yeah, well, tha�s all gonna|change real soon.
{13418}{13467}Oh, really, Vincey. Do tell.
{13475}{13493}What?
{13541}{13609}I don't want to discourage you|from gettin' involved,
{13613}{13664}but le�s be realistic.
{13693}{13737}You're a Christmas Eve type person,
{13747}{13820}you can never enjoy the presents|after they're open.
{13824}{13913}As soon as you find there's|a living, breathing person
{13917}{13978}behind the image,|you lose interest.
{13983}{14077}L�s not my fault all the guys|...
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