Stumbling S01E07 Fanfiction.docx

There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you and I should have said it

But tell me just what has it ever meant?
I can't help it baby, this is who I am
Sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

-Jimmy Eat World "Kill"

"You were amazing up there."

There. No one had ever gazed into her eyes the way Chuck Bass was at this exact moment. He was accepting her for who she was and not wishing her to be someone else. She'd never be good enough for Nate, as she wasn't 5'10", blonde, and named Serena. She'd never be thin enough or smart enough to get into Yale for her mother, who was in fact overweight and didn't finish school because she was pregnant with Blair.

Blair looked up at Chuck slowly and deliberately in the backseat of his stretch limo, lowering her Dior-coated lashes as she brought her lips up to meet his. This was repayment long overdue. There was a split second pause to make it or break it, and she'd thrown the ball into his court.

"You sure?"

She was too high on adrenaline and champagne to be shocked that he would ask such a thing. He'd certainly never had any misgivings in the past. To answer, she brought her lips up to meet his and gently bit on his lower lip. His kisses were rough, urgent, and far more passionate than anything Nate had ever made her feel. His eyes were open and watching her. Instead of feeling nervous or shy at the thought of wearing only a negligee in front of him, Blair felt open and uninhibited.

With a sense of urgency, Blair climbed on top of Chuck, seeking to control this encounter. He let her have her fun for a minute, and then proceeded to push her back down on the seat, taking over. The strap of her pearl-encrusted La Perla dressing gown fell down as the pair continued their frantic kissing. A hand swept the vast expanse of her thigh and wandered its way up her stomach, softly kneading.

Blair's thoughts were jumbling together in a cloud of haze as the next few minutes became a blur. Several minutes later, Chuck was breathing heavily with his arm draped around Blair as she put the puritanical dress her mother had made her wear to dinner with the Archibald family back on. As she made her way to exit the car, Chuck's hand pulled her back in and guided her lips back to his. She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Just one last kiss before you leave, princess."

Blair smiled as she sauntered through the doors of her apartment building.

The next day the petite brunette woke up infinitely less happy. What had she just done? The pounding in her head told her she'd had far too much to drink last night. There was also an insane beeping noise. She dug through her cluttered Miu Miu clutch to find her red Blackberry. Four messages. Her mother's simply said that she was back in Paris finalizing the touches on her spring 2008 clothing campaign. Nate's asked her to talk about the events of last night. God, she didn't even want to think about last night. Serena's was barely audible with the giggles. Chuck's merely said call me.

Blair could barely grasp her thoughts let alone fathom the fact that she'd had sex with Chuck Bass last night. In a limo. For all the planning she'd done to have a perfect night with Nate on a bed with sprinkled red roses and a soundtrack playing, she'd gone and lost her virginity to her ex-boyfriend's best friend in the backseat of a limo which she couldn't even properly remember because she was so drunk on champagne. It was something out of a soap opera.

He was calling again. She clicked the ignore button and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was greasy from dancing at the burlesque club and her makeup was still somewhat on her face as she hadn't washed it off last night in her haste to make it to her bed. God, she needed to talk to someone. But who could she talk to? She texted Serena.

To: S

Hey. In a predicament, wanna come by? I have the penthouse to myself. Martinis already made. Love, B

In seconds she already had her response, which wasn't surprising as Serena was a fast replier when it came to text messaging. The two honed their skills in tenth grade at Constance when they'd made fun of everything and everyone.

To: B

Of course! Be by in thirty or so. Love, S

To: S

WTF. You live five minutes away. I look like the cast of Dawn of the Living Dead. Don't get ready.

To: B

I'm coming from Brooklyn. It'll be thirty, sorry :(

To: S

Scandalous. I'm awaiting details, bitch.

Forty-eight minutes later Serena van der Woodsen waltzed through the door of Blair's nearly empty penthouse. Blair was freshly showered and clothed in a thin black sheath walking over to greet her.

"Martinis already?"

"You might want to sit down."

Serena raised an eyebrow as Blair began to tell the story of what happened the night previously. Serena sat there quietly so Blair could finish. She knew her best friend needed to vent.

"So you're not even going to say anything about how I'm a slut?"

Serena looked confused. She hadn't been drinking a lot lately, minus that horrible night at the Palace with Chuck, but she took a sip of the gin Blair offered greedily.

"Who am I to judge you?"

They were both silent with contemplation before Serena broke the silence.

"What are you going to do?"

"Do? I'm going to do nothing. I can't do anything. I mean, Nate and I are like the golden couple. We just have bumps. We're Dawson and Joey. No matter what, people expect us to be together. Plus Chuck is the biggest womanizer on the Upper East Side, save maybe his father. Scratch the Upper East Side, probably all of New York. Scratch that too, try the East Coast."

The girls laughed a little together before Serena spoke up again.

"Dawson never appreciated Joey for who she was until he lost her. Look, Joey didn't end up with Dawson and you don't have to end up with Nate."

"It's what I've wanted for my whole life! I can't just throw it all away just because of one bump in the road. Plus Cornelius Vanderbilt's diamond is just the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

There was more sighing on Blair's part now. Trying on the enormous family heirloom after hearing that Nate wasn't quite so into her didn't make her feel very wanted.

"How did it feel with Chuck?"

"What?"

Blair looked stunned at the question. She honestly hadn't been thinking about her own feelings for Chuck for a while. She then smiled.

"It was good. Great, even. I don't know, I don't have anything else to compare it to, but I enjoyed it. I felt cherished, you know? Even though it was Chuck who's probably slept with all of the 212. Ugh, I bet all of St. Jude's knows right now. I bet you think I'm stupid."

Serena shook her head.

"I never in a million years would think that you were stupid. I think Chuck Bass is possibly an unwise choice, but I don't think you're stupid. I mean, look at me. Besides, Joey forgoes being with Dawson in the end. Wait, are we still relating your life to Dawson's Creek?"

"North Carolina is heinous, but yes."

Blair thought she heard Serena say something before the other girl shook her head to herself.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Blair gave Serena the same look she had given Jenny yesterday not twenty feet away from where the girls were sitting now.

"Not nothing. You were thinking something."

"It's stupid."

"I want to hear it."

"Maybe… maybe you can have your Pacey."

And there it was, the simple truth. Joey hadn't ended up with Dawson, whom she thought she was destined to be with from the beginning, but his best friend Pacey. The best friends had a rift over the brunette they both loved, but in the end the friends had resolved themselves. Blair smiled. Yes, maybe she could have her Pacey.

Blair escorted Serena out, and then dialed a familiar number in her phone.

"I called you."

"Yes, I know. I was sorting some things out."

Chuck's voice instantly became clipped. His eyes narrowed as a mental picture of his best friend played in his mind. It wasn't fair. Nate always got everything, while Chuck only got pieces.

"Did you get back together with Nathaniel?"

"No."

"Then why the hell do you sound so chipper?"

Blair smiled. Boys never got it.

"Guess what?"

"I'm losing patience, B."

"You're my Pacey."

"Come again?"

Blair rolled her eyes. She strolled over to the grand mirror in her bedroom and pulled out her Chanel lip gloss, lightly dabbing the pink color onto her lips.

"Dawson's Creek. I'm Joey, Nate's Dawson, and you're my Pacey."

"Isn't he the one that ends up getting the girl?"

Blair's delicate laugh rang over the phone as she buckled the patent Marc Jacob Mary Jane heels to her feet.

"Yes. I'm coming over. I hope I like your bed as much as you seemed to like mine."

Chuck thought back to the time he came over to the Waldorf penthouse to show Blair pictures of Serena at the Ostroff Center.

"So this is your bed, huh?"

She remembered.

"It seems I played more than a small role in your deflowering."

As he clicked his cell phone off in anticipation of a tiny brunette coming by his hotel suite, he smiled as he thought he heard the words heinous disgusting pig. Blair was nothing if not consistent.