Dhammananda_You_are_Responsible.pdf

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE

By: K. Sri Dhammananda

Human nature being what it is, all of us are inclined to put the blame on others for

our own shortcomings or misfortunes. Do you ever give a thought for a moment

that you yourself can be responsible for your own problems? Your sorrows and

miseries are not caused by a family curse that is handed down from one

generation to the next. Nor are they caused by the original sin of some ancestor

who has returned from beyond the grave to haunt you. Nor are your sorrow and

miseries created by a god or by a devil. You sorrow is caused by yourself. Your

sorrow is your own making. You are your own liberator.

You must learn to shoulder the responsibilities of your life and to admit your own

weakness without blaming or disturbing others. Remember the old saying :-

“The uncultured man always blames others; the semi cultured man blames

himself and the fully-cultured man blames neither.”

As a cultured being, you must learn to solve your own problems without blaming

others. If each person would try to correct himself, there would not be any trouble

in this world. But many people do not make any effort to realize that they

themselves are responsible for many misfortunes that befall them. They prefer to

find scapegoats.They look outside themselves for the source of their troubles

because they are reluctant to admit their own weaknesses.

Man’s mind is given to so much self-deceit that he does not want to admit his

own weakness. He will try to find some excuse to justify his action and to create

an illusion that he is blameless. If a man really wants to be free, he must have

the courage to admit his own weakness. The Buddha says:-

“Easily seen are others’ faults; hard indeed it is to see one’s own fault.”

You must develop the courage to admit when you have fallen victim to your

weakness. You must admit when you are in the wrong. Do not follow the

uncultured who always blames others. Do not use other people as your

scapegoat – this is most despicable. Remember that you may fool some of the

people some of the time, but not all the people all of the time. The Buddha says:-

“The fool who does not admit he is a fool, is a real fool. And the fool who admits

he is a fool is wise to that extent.”

Admit your own weakness. Do not blame others. You must realize that you are

responsible for the miseries and the difficulties that come to you. You must

understand that your way of thinking also creates the conditions that give rise to

your difficulties. You must appreciate that at all times, you are responsible for

whatever comes to you.

“It is not that something is wrong with the world, but something is wrong with us.”

You Are responsible For Your Relationship With Others

Remember that whatever happens to you cannot feel hurt if you know how to

keep a balanced mind. You are hurt only by the mental attitude that you adopt

towards yourself and towards others. If you show a loving attitude towards

others, you will receive a loving attitude in return. If you show hatred, you will

undoubtedly never receive love in return. An angry man breathes out poison and

he hurts himself more than others. Anyone who is wise not to be angered by

anger will not be hurt. Remember that no one can hurt you unless you allow

others to hurt you. Of another person blames or scolds you, but you follow the

Dhamma (truth), then that Dhamma will protect you from unjust attacks. The

Buddha says:-

“Whoever harms a harmless person, one pure and guiltless, upon that very fool

the evil recoils like fine dust thrown against the wind.”

If you allow others to fulfill their wishes in hurting you, you are responsible.

Blame Not Others-Accept Responsible

You must learn to guard your mind by maintaining a proper perspective so that

any external happenings cannot affect your equilibrium. You are in the tight

corner. You must not blame circumstances when things go wrong. You must mot

think that you are unlucky, the victim of fate, or of somebody else’s ill-will. No

matter what reason you give, you must not try to evade self-responsibility for your

own actions instead of laying the blame on circumstances. Try to solve your

problems without showing a sour face. In times of difficulty work cheerfully under

the most trying circumstances. Be courageous to accept change if change is

necessary but be serene enough to accept what you cannot change. Be wise

enough to understand the worldly conditions which are common to everybody.

Be wise enough to face certain problems without being frustrated and unhappy.

The difficulties are for you overcome. Those who try to do some service to others

earn more blame than those who do not serve, but this does not mean they must

be discouraged. They should have the wisdom to realize that selfless service

brings its own reward.

“Love without knowledge and knowledge without love cannot produce a good

life.” B. Russel.

You Are Responsible For Your Inner Peace

You must learn how to protect whatever inner peace and calm you have

managed to create within your mind. To preserve the inner peace, you must

know when to surrender yourself; you must know when to throw away your pride,

when to subdue your false ego, when to change your adamant attitude or false

conviction and when to practise patience. You should not allow others to take

away your inner peace, and you can preserve your inner peace if you know how

to act wisely. Wisdom comes through recognition of ignorance.

“ Man is not a fallen angel, but a arising animal.”

The Correct Attitude Towards Criticism

You must learn how to guard yourself from unjust criticism and how to make use

of constructive criticism. You must look objectively at criticism that others give to

you. If the criticism that comes to you is just, well-founded and given with good

intention, then accept that criticism and put it to use. However, if the criticism

that comes to you is unjust and ill-founded and given with bad intention, you are

under no obligation to accept this kind of criticism. If you know that your attitude

is correct and appreciated by wise and cultured people, then do not worry about

ill-founded criticism. Your understanding of both constructive and destructive

criticism is important. The Buddha says:-

“There is no one who is not blamed in this world.”

Expect Nothing And Nothing Will Disappoint You

You can protect yourself from disappointments by not having any undue

expectations. If you expect nothing, then nothing can disappoint you. Do not

expect reward for the good that you have done. Do good for the sake of doing

good with kindness. If you can help others without expecting any kind of a

reward, then you can have no disappointment. You can be a great man! The

happiness that appears in your mind for the good that you have done, is in itself

a big reward. That happiness creates satisfaction in our life.

Perhaps you are person who is good by nature and you do not do any harm to

others. But you get blamed by others despite doing good. You have to face

difficulties and disappointment even though you have always helped others and

have done good for others. Then you might ask , “If good begets good and bad

begets bad, why should I have to suffer when I am completely innocent? Why

should I have to undergo so many difficulties? Why should I get so many

disappointments? Why should I get blamed by others despite my good work?

The simple answer is when you do some good deeds you have to face certain

evil forces. If not, you are facing a bad karma that is ripening in the present.

Continue with your good work and you will eventually be free from such troubles.

Remember that you have created your own disappointments and you alone can

overcome these disappointments, by realizing the nature of Karma (action and

reaction) and the worldly conditions as explained by the Buddha.

“If you can protect yourself, you can protect others.”

Gratitude Is A Rare Virtue

The Buddha considered gratitude as a great virtue, yet it is very rare: Yes, it is

true that this virtue is rare in any society. You cannot always expect other people

to be grateful for what you have done for them. People are inclined to be forgetful

especially when it comes to remembering favours. If you expect gratitude from

others, you will perhaps have to meet disappointment. If people fail to show

gratitude, learn to accept them as such – then you can avoid disappointment.

You can be happy regardless of whether people are grateful or ungrateful for

your kindness or help; you need only think that you have done your duty as a

human being to your fellow beings. That should be the only reward you should

seek.

“He who knows that enough, will always have enough.” (Lao Tse)

Compare Not With Others

You can rid yourself of unnecessary worry and troubles simply by not comparing

yourself with others. “So long as you regard others as your ‘equal’ or as your

‘superior’ or as your ‘inferior’, you will continue to have problems to worry about.

But if you do not adopt such an attitude there is nothing for you to worry. If you

think you are better than others, you may become proud. If you think you are

equal to others, you may stagnate. If you think you are inferior to others, you

may become useless to yourself and to others. You may lose your self-

confidence.

It is very difficult for most people to surrender their pride or sense of superiority.

But you must learn to reduce or to suppress your pride. If you are able to

sacrifice your pride, then you can find your inner peace and you can help

mankind to find peace and happiness. Which is greater to maintain and to

support – your pride or your peace of mind?

Comparing yourself with others can be a source of unnecessary worry. Try to

realize that equality and inferiority and superiority are all changing, relative

states: at one time you may be poor; at another time you may be a rich man. In

the endless rounds within the ocean of life and death (samsara), we are all equal,

inferior and superior to each other at different times. So why worry?

“ If you are good to yourself, you are good to others. If you are good to others,

you are good to yourself.”

How To Handle Troubles-Makers

It is one thing to realize that you are at all times responsible for all the troubles

and problems that befall you. It is another thing to know what you must do to

overcome the disturbances that come to you through other people and

circumstances.

You must learn how to handle trouble-makers and evil-doers. They are also

human beings; they must also be accommodated into the religious fold. Every

effort must be made to correct them instead of isolating and neglecting them. If

you are strong enough to resist their evil influence, there is no reason for you to

avoid associating with them. Through your associations with evil-doers, you can

influence them for the better. Remember that it is your understanding that

protects you from evil-doers and allows you to influence them to become good.

Here is the understanding that will protect you and help others.

You must understand that if a man does something wrong to you due to his

ignorance and misunderstanding, then is the time for you to reveal your wisdom,

your education, your sympathy, your culture and your religious attitude. What is

the use of all your education and religious knowledge if you have not learned

how to behave as a cultured man in a time of need? When others do wrong to

you, you must regard their action as an opportunity for you to develop your

patience and understanding.

Patience and education are prime qualities which everyone must cultivate. The

more you practise these virtues the more you maintain your dignity. You must

know how to make good use of these qualities and they will help to relieve you

from many of the enormous miseries and sufferings and burdens of life.

Sometimes you may come across certain people who try to take advantage of

your tolerance and patience. Then is the time to act wisely. You must practise

wisdom. Remember that your spirit of tolerance, patience and understanding has

some powerful influence over your enemies so as to make them realize that they

are in the wrong.

“Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet.”

“Virtues must be practiced wisely.”

Forgive And Forget

You must also understand that to take revenge on trouble-makers is only to

create more problems and difficulties. You must realize that negative feelings

and negative actions only bring harm and suffering to both you and the trouble-

maker. In order to take revenge, you have to create a sense of hatred in your

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