BE_43_Perfectionism and Procrastinat.pdf

Real English Conversations: Perfectionism and

Procrastination

Introduction

Hi, Lori here, welcoming you to another episode of Real English Conversations from

Better@English.com. In today's conversation I'm joined by my friend Yvette, who is a freelance writer

specializing in screenplays. Her educational background is in American Studies, and she's just an all-

round energetic and creative person. I hope you'll find her a welcome addition as my conversational

partner here.

Our conversation today is about perfectionism and procrastination.

Conversation Transcript

Lori:

Yeah, I was thinking that, that it would be fun to talk about perfectionism a little bit and

about being a perfectionist and how horrible that is, and how it...and how it can really hinder

you from...

Yvette:

Being productive...

Lori:

Yeah, being productive and moving forward with things that you want to do.

Yvette:

Yeah.

Lori:

Indeed I know it's something that I struggle with a lot and that I've thought about a lot, and I

know in the past we've talked about it from time to time , so...

Yvette:

Yeah.

Lori:

But, perfectionism as we all know and love it...

Yvette:

Or hate it! It's terrible!

Lori: Yeah!

Yvette: Well, it makes you not very productive. I mean, I just finished a text yesterday and I spent a

lot more time on it than I should have... knowing that I wanted it to be absolutely perfect.

Lori: Mmm hmm.

Yvette: And I knew at some point ... I just gave up, I, you know I just gave up and thought, "Well, it's

a lost cause ," even though I'm sure it's fine, but err, you just give up.

Lori:

Yeah, that's good when you've actually already started working on something...and you're

working on it...err, that you can set a deadline for yourself, maybe, and say, "Okay, now I just

can't mess with it anymore; it has to be finished." But what I find the most insidious and

really destructive thing about perfectionist tendencies is that they can keep you from even

getting started with something.

Yvette:

Okay, the procrastination .

Lori:

Yes. It's very closely tied in with procrastination, I find

Yvette:

Yeah. Yeah, there's just two things that can happen. You know, you could be suffering from

fear of failure or fear of success, one of the two. And err, you know, if you're successful then

you're going to deal with, like, an additional amount of information that you need to process

later on, and if you're not successful you're just a loser .

Lori:

Yeah, exactly.

Yvette:

At least that's what I have.

Lori:

Yeah, I find that, err, for me this idea of perfectionism... it's not so much about striving to be

perfect, it's more like you're, you're constantly beating yourself up about things never being

good enough.

Yvette:

Yeah, that's the problem. That's pretty neurotic .

Lori:

Yeah, it's not that...I mean...you know intellectually that nothing can be perfect and nothing I

do can be perfect...but...it's, it's... So you know that on an intellectual level, but somehow it's

like you're still struggling with this idea that "Oh, but it's not good enough," or "I've not got

all the information I really needed to make the perfect start."

Yvette:

That, that is usually the problem that I come up with, is you think you have all the

information but you don't, and then you start looking for more and more, and while you're

looking for all this extra information you're just, well forget it, you're not going to make it .

Lori:

Yeah, seven hours on Wikipedia later...

[Laughter]

Yvette:

Right.

Lori:

You find you're looking at something completely unrelated to what you started out with...

Yvette:

Right. Right, that is the biggest issue is that you start looking for other information and then

you discover 15 other things that are maybe also relevant or important, or maybe not, and

by the time you're done you figure out that, "Oh, that's totally not what I needed to do."

Lori:

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Yvette:

This is so unimportant, or that... you know, I remember in school that I, err, handed in a

paper and it was so good and so well done he's [the teacher] like, "This is way too much

work for what was really required. So why did you do all this work?" I'm like, "Well, it had to

be good, right?"

Lori:

Yeah. Right. Right.

Yvette:

So, you spend a lot more time working on something that another person might just dismiss

more quickly, and nobody notices anything that's wrong.

Lori:

That's the thing that...I find that a lot of the things that you worry about a lot qualitywise or

things that are important to you, when you think about it oftentimes those things.. other

people aren't even going to notice those things.

Yvette:

That's right.

Lori:

You know, the things that you've worked so hard on, the little details that are so important

to you...and then other people don't even notice, and then you can wonder "What's the

point ?" and "Why spend so much time on all these little things?"

Yvette:

Yeah, or you see someone else's texts or something, like, some...you know, as a writer, you

read about stuff and there's all these errors in it, and I'm thinking "Is there really a... does it

really bug me so much that this is happening; is it really a problem for me that there are all

these errors there?" And I'm thinking, "I don't really think that this person is doing a bad

job," I may think, "Ooh, that's shoddy ," but oh well. You know.

Lori:

Yeah, yeah.

Yvette:

I'm not as harsh on other people's work as I am on my own, I think, or I hope.

Lori:

I know for me I'm harsh on my own, but I'm pretty mean and vicious about other people as

well...I think maybe that's why I'm so worried about what people will think about my own

things, because I'm so horrible and vicious [laughs] myself.

Yvette:

[laughs] you will destroy them all. Oh, yeah. Now I used to, I used to correct people all the

time when they made errors...

Lori:

Uh huh...

Yvette:

Just because, you know, I knew. I just know... "You just made an error...ha ha!" Look at me

being all clever. And they hate you for that, so...

Lori:

Yeah, people really don't appreciate unsolicited correction.

Final Words

Okay, that wraps up today's Real English Conversation. We'll continue with this topic in the next

episode. Before I sign off, I just want to thank all of you who have emailed me this past year asking

when new episodes would be posted. It feels really great to know that there are listeners out there

who look forward to each new episode. Unfortunately, I can't promise to post episodes as frequently

as you might like because of my other time commitments. But you can be sure that I'll do what I can

to give you as many new episodes as possible for 2010! Bye for now!

[Vocabulary notes on next page]

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Vocabulary notes

moving forward

In this context , to move forward means to make progress.

from time to time

If something happens from time to time , it happens

sometimes but not often. This is one of the many vague time

statements that appear in this conversation.

at some point

In this context, point means a particular time or stage reached

in a process. Compare with the other usage of point below.

a lost cause

If someone or something is a lost cause, that has no chance

of succeeding.

mess with

In this context, to mess with something means to try to

change or repair it, but not carefully and usually without

success.

insidious

If something is insidious, it gradually or secretly causes you

harm.

procrastination

If you procrastinate, you delay something that you have to do,

because the idea of doing it makes you feel anxious or

uncomfortable.

tied in

To be tied in with something or tied in to something means to

be connected or related to it.

loser

A loser is someone tends to be unsuccessful at things they try

to do.

beating yourself up

If you beat yourself up about something, you criticize yourself

and tell yourself hurtful things that make you feel bad.

neurotic

Neurotic is originally a term from psychology with a very

specific meaning. But in general conversation, as used here,

neurotic refers to someone who behaves in an overly anxious

or worried manner.

make it

In this context, to make it means to finish a project on time.

dismiss

If you dismiss someone or something, you decide that it isn't

important or worth considering.

qualitywise

Adding the -wise suffix to a word adds the meaning of "

relating to" or " in the manner of" to the word. There are some

established words with the -wise suffix that you can find in

your dictionary, for example clockwise , lengthwise . But native

speakers often create their own words by adding the -wise

suffix whenever it suits them.

bug

If something bugs you, it annoys or irritates you.

point

The point of something is its purpose or usefulness.

shoddy

If something is shoddy , it was badly or carelessly made.

harsh

If someone is harsh, they are (usually unnecessarily)

unpleasant, unkind, or cruel.

unsolicited

If something is unsolicited it means you didn't ask for it or

request it.

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