(Ebook - Nlp) - Mind Control - How To Get The Truth Out Of Anyone.PDF - NLP - eschaton

Instant Fact: How To Get The Truth Out of Anyone!

Compiled By: John J. Webster

Never Be Lied To Again

By David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.

St. Martin’s Press, New York 1998

DD: 158.2

ISBN: 0-312-18634-7

Introduction:

In an ideal society there would be no need for lies. But we live in a world of deception. And whether you want to

play or not, you’re in the game. The question is, do you want to win?

Signs of Deception

Once you realize that you’re being lied to, should you confront the liar immediately? Usually not. The best

approach is to note the fact in your mind and continue with the conversation, trying to extract more information.

Once you confront someone who has lied to you, the tone of the conversation changes and gathering additional facts

becomes difficult. Therefore, wait until you have all the evidence you want and then decide whether to confront the

person at that time or hold off to figure how you can best use this insight to your advantage.

Section 1: Body Language

• The person will make little or no eye contact. A person who is lying to you will do

everything to avoid making eye contact.

• Physical expression will be limited, with few arm and hand movements. What arm and hand

movements are present will seem stiff, and mechanical. Hands, arm and legs pull in toward

the body; the individual takes up less space.

• His hand(s) may go up to his face or throat, especially to the mouth. But contact with his

body is limited to these areas. He is also unlikely to touch his chest with an open hand

gesture. He may also touch the nose or scratch behind the ear.

• If he is trying to appear casual and relaxed about his answer, he may shrug a little.

Section 2: Emotional States: Consistency and Contradiction

• The timing is off between gestures and words. If the facial expression comes after the verbal

statement (“I am so angry with you right now” … pause … and then the angry expression), it

looks false.

• The head moves in a mechanical fashion without regard to emphasis, indicating a conscious

movement.

• Gestures don’t match the verbal message, such as frowning when saying “I love you.” Hands

tightly clenched and a statement of pleasure are not in sync with each other.

• The timing and duration of emotional gestures will seem off. The emotion is delayed coming

on, stays longer than it should, and fades out abruptly.

• Expression will be limited to the mouth area when the person is feigning certain emotions –

happiness, surprise, awe, and so on – rather than the whole face.

Section 3: Interpersonal Interactions – When we are wrongfully accused, only a guilty person gets

defensive. Someone who is innocent will usually go on the offensive.

• He is reluctant to face his accuser and may turn his head or shift his body away.

• The person who is lying will probably slouch; he is unlikely to stand tall with his arms out or

outstretched.

• There’s movement away from his accuser, possibly in the direction of the exit.

• There will be little or no physical contact during his attempt to convince you.

• He will not point his finger at the person he is trying to convince.

• He may place physical objects (pillow, drinking glass, et cetera) between himself and his

accuser to form a barrier, with a verbal equivalent of “I don’t want to talk about it,” indicating

deception or covert intention.

Section 4: What Is Said: Actual Verbal Content

• He will use your words to make his point. When asked, “Did you cheat on me?” The liar

answers, “No, I didn’t cheat on you.” In addition, when a suspect uses a contraction – “It

wasn’t me” instead of “It was not me” – statistically, there is a 60% chance he is truthful.

• He may stonewall, giving an impression that his mind is made up. This is often an attempt to

limit your challenges to his position. If someone says right up front that he positively won’t

budge, it means one thing: He knows he can be swayed. He needs to tell you this so you

won’t ask, because he knows he’ll cave in. The confident person will use phrases like “I’m

sorry, this is pretty much the best we can do.”

• Watch out for the good old Freudian slip.

• He depersonalizes his answer by offering his belief on the subject instead of answering

directly. A liar offers abstract assurances as evidence of his innocence in a specific instance.

Example: “Did you ever cheat on me?” and you hear, “You know I’m against that sort of

thing. I think it morally reprehensible.”

• He will keep adding more information until he’s sure that he has sold you on his story. The

guilty are uncomfortable with silence. He speaks to fill the gap left by the silence.

• He may imply an answer but never state it directly.

Section 5: How Something Is Said

• Deceitful response to questions regarding beliefs and attitudes take longer to think up.

However, how fast does the rest of the sentence follow the initial one-word response? In

truthful statements a fast no or yes is followed quickly by an explanation. If the person is

being deceitful the rest of the sentence may come more slowly because he needs time to think

up an explanation.

• Watch out for reactions that are all out of proportion to the question. May repeat points that

he has already made. May also be reluctant to use words that convey attachment and

ownership or possessiveness (“that car” as opposed to “my car”).

• The person who is lying may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous and inexpressive

voice. When a person is making a truthful statement, he emphasizes the pronoun as much as

or more than the rest of the sentence.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other

words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

• Statements sound an awful lot like questions, indicating that he’s seeking reassurance. Voice,

head and eyes lift at the end of their statement.

Section 6: Psychological Profile

• We often see the world as a reflection of ourselves. If you’re being accused of something,

check your accuser’s veracity. Watch out for those people who are always telling you just

how corrupt the rest of the world is. Beware of those asking you if you believe him. They

may respond with, “you don’t believe me, do you?” Most people who tell the truth expect to

be believed.

• Look at whether his focus is internal or external. When a person is confident about what he’s

saying, he’s more interested in your understanding him and less interested in how he appears

to you.

• In a liar’s story, he will usually not give the point of view of a third party. To illustrate giving

a point of view of someone else, “My roommate was so shocked that I would…”

• In relating a story, a liar often leaves out the negative aspects (unless the story is used to

explain way he was delayed or had to cancel plans). The story of a vacation, for example,

should have both positive and negative aspects of what happened.

• A liar willingly answers your questions but asks none of his own. For example, during their

first intimate encounter, Randy asks his new girlfriend if she’s ever been tested for AIDS.

She responds with “Oh, yes, certainly,” and continues on a bit about annual checkups, giving

blood, etc. And then nothing! If she was concerned about her health, as her answer implied,

then she would have asked him the same question. The liar is often unaware that coming

across as truthful means both answering and asking questions.

Section 7: General Indications of Deceit

• When the subject is changed, he’s in a better, more relaxed mood. The guilty wants the

subject changed; the innocent always wants a further exchange of information.

• He does not become indignant when falsely accused. While he is being accused the liar will

remain fairly expressionless. The liar is more concerned with how he is going to respond than

he is with the accusation itself.

• He uses such phrases as “To tell you the truth,” “To be perfectly honest,” and “Why would I

lie to you?”

• He has an answer to your question down pat, such as giving precise detail to an event

occurring two months ago.

• He stalls by asking you to repeat the question or by answering your question with a question.

“Where did you hear that?” “Could you be more specific?” or even repeating your question

back to you, at an attempt at sounding incredulous. For example, “Did I sell you a puppy with

a heart condition? Is that what you’re asking me?”

• What he’s saying sounds implausible, such as “During the past ten years, I have never used a

specific racial epithet.”

• He offers a preamble to his statement starting with “I don’t want you to think that…” Often

that’s exactly what he wants you to think. Whenever someone makes a point of telling you

what they’re not doing, you can be sure it’s exactly what they are doing. Such as, “Not to

hurt your feelings, but…”

• He implies through a form of denial. You hear, “He’s having marital problems, but it has

nothing to do with his wife’s new job.” What’s the first thing you ask? “What does his wife

do?” Suddenly you’re in the exact conversation that is “supposed” to have no bearing on the

facts.

• He uses humor or sarcasm to defuse your concerns, rather than responding seriously.

• He offers you a “better” alternative to your request when he is unable to give you what you

originally asked for. Before you accept someone at his word that he has something better to

offer, first see whether he has what you originally asked for. If he doesn’t, then you shouldn’t

believe him.

• All of his facts relating to numbers are the same or multiples of one another. Watch out when

facts, figures, and information have unusual similarities.

• There is evidence of involuntary responses that are anxiety based. Anxiety causes many

things. His breather may appear as a deep, audible inhaling in an attempt to control his

breathing to calm himself. Swallowing becomes difficult; he may clear his throat. His ability

to focus on something is often diminished, unable to pay attention to what’s going on.

• He uses an obvious fact to support a dubious action. For example, let’s say that a guard is

standing watch over a restricted area. It’s his job to check ID’s of those who enter. “I’m not

sure you have authorization,” he says to a man attempting access. “I’m not surprised,”

answered the man, “only a few people are aware of my clearance level. My work here is not

supposed to be known by everyone.”

• He casually tells you something that deserves more attention.

• He exclaims his displeasure at the actions of another who has done something similar so that

you will not suspect him. For instance, if he is trying to throw you off track of his

embezzlement scheme, he may openly chastise another employee for “borrowing” some

office supplies for personal use at home. Your impression is that he is moral person who

objects to something as minor as stealing office supplies. Certainly he cannot be responsible

for a large-scale embezzlement scheme.

• He may casually tell you something that should deserve more attention. “Oh by the way, I’ve

got to go out of town next weekend on business.” If he doesn’t usually travel for work on the

weekends, then you would expect her to make a point of how unusual the trip is. Her

downplaying the trip makes it suspicious. When something out of the ordinary happens and

the person doesn’t draw attention to it, it means that he is trying to draw attention away from

it. Another tactic is running off a long list of items in the hope that one will remain unnoticed.

• If he lies about one thing, everything he says is questionable.

• His story is so wild that you almost don’t believe it. But you do, because if he wanted to lie,

you think that he would have come up with something more plausible.

II.

Becoming a Human Lie Detector:

The clues to deception can be used with great reliability in everyday situations and conversations. However, if you

must know the truth in a given situation, this part provides you with a sequence of questions that virtually guarantees

that you will know (a) if you’re being lied to and (b) what the truth is if it’s not obvious from the lie. When used in

order, all three phases offer you the greatest opportunity to get at the truth.

Phase One – Three Attack-Sequence Primers

Primer 1

The objective here is to ask a question that does not accuse the person of anything but alludes to the person’s

possible behavior. The key is to phrase a question that sounds perfectly innocent to an innocent person, but like an

accusation to the guilty.

Suspicion: You feel that your girlfriend was unfaithful the night before.

Question: “Anything interesting happen last night?”

Suspicion: You think a coworker told your secretary that you have a crush on her.

Question: “Heard any good gossip recently?”

Any answers such as “Why do you ask?” or “Where did you hear that?” indicate concern on the person’s part. He

should not be seeking information from you if he does not think that your question is leading. He should also not be

interested in why you’re asking the question unless he thinks that you may know what he doesn’t want you to know.

Primer 2

The objective here is to introduce a scenario similar to what you suspect is going on, using specifics.

Suspicion: You suspect one of your salespeople has lied to a customer in order to make the sale.

Question: “Jim, I’m wondering if you could help me with something. It’s come to my attention that someone in the

sales department has been misrepresenting our products to customers. How do you think we can clear this up?”

Suspicion: A hospital administrator suspects that a doctor was drinking while on duty.

Question: “Dr. Marcus, I’d like to get you advice on something. A colleague of mine at another hospital has a

problem with one of her doctors. She feels he may be drinking while on call. Do you have any suggestions on how

she can approach the doctor about this problem?”

If he’s innocent of the charges he’s likely to offer his advice and be pleased that you sought out his opinion. If he’s

guilty he’ll seem uncomfortable and will assure you that he never does anything like that. Either way, this opens the

door to probe further.

Primer 3

The objective here is to introduce a scenario similar to what you suspect is going on, using general terms.

Suspicion: You think a student has cheated on his exam.

Question: “Isn’t it amazing how someone can cheat on a test and not realize that I was standing behind him the

entire time?”

Suspicion: You suspect a coworker of bad-mouthing you to your boss.

Question: “It’s amazing all the backstabbing that goes on around here, isn’t it? And these people doing it think that

it won’t get back to the person involved.”

Suspicion: You think that your girlfriend may be two-timing you.

Question: “It’s amazing how someone can be unfaithful and expect not to get caught.”

A change in subject is highly indicative of guilt. However, if he finds your question interesting and he’s innocent,

he might begin a conversation about it since he’s unafraid to discuss the subject.

Phase Two – Eleven Attack Sequences

Attack Sequence 1: Direct Questioning

• Stage 1. Ask your question directly .

• Give no advance warning of the subject you’re about to bring up or of any feelings of mistrust.

• Never reveal what you know first. Ask questions to gather information to see if it’s consistent with

what you already know.

• The way you present yourself can greatly influence the attitude of the other person. Three powerful

tips for establishing building rapport:

1. Matching posture and movements – if he has one hand in his pocket, you put your hand in yours.

2. Matching speech – if he’s speaking in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the same.

3. Matching key words – if he’s prone to using certain words or phrases, use them when speaking.

• Ask a question that you know will produce a response similar to how you expect him to react. In other

words, if he waves his arms around no matter what he’s talking about, you want to know this.

• Use a relaxed and non-threatening posture, and square off so that you’re facing each other.

• Never, ever interrupt. You can’t learn anything new while you’re talking. Ask open-ended questions.

• Stage 2. Silence .

• Stage 3. Really? At the end of his answer respond with “Really?”

• Stage 4. Sudden Death . Follow with “Is there anything you want to get off your chest?”

Attack Sequence 2: Lead and Confine

• Stage 1. Ask a leading question . For example, “you were back by two A.M. last night, weren’t you?”

• Stage 2. Reverse course: You’ve got to be kidding! For example, “I was hoping you did, so you would have

gotten it out of your system. Please tell me that you’ve done it, so I know that it’s over with.”

• Stage 3. This is not going to work. For example, “I thought you were somebody who had a sense of adventure.

Someone who knows how to live a little.”

Attack Sequence 3: Time Line Distortion

• Scenario: You suspect several employees in your store of stealing money

• Stage1. Setting the scene . Let the conversation turn casually to stealing and say, “Oh, I knew right from the

start what was going on.”

• Stage 2. It’s no big deal . “You had to know I knew. How else do you think you could have gotten away with it

for so long? I hope you don’t think I’m a complete idiot.”

• Stage 3. I appreciate what you’ve done . “I know that you were just going along with it because you were

scared of what the others would do. It’s really okay. I know you’re not that kind of person.”

Attack Sequence 4: Direct Assumption / Shot in the Dark

• Stage 1. Set the scene . Be somewhat curt and standoffish, as if something heavy-duty is bothering you. This

will cause his mind to race to find ways to explain the “error of his ways.”

• Stage 2. I’m hurt . Say, “I’ve just found something out and I’m really hurt [shocked/surprised]. I know you’re

going to lie to me and try to deny it, but I just wanted you to know that I know.” You establish that (a) he’s

guilty of something and (b) you know what it is.

• Stage 3. Holding your ground . Say, “I think we both know what I’m talking about. We need to clear the air,

and we can start by your talking.”

• Stage 4. Continue to hold your ground . Repeat phrases such as “I’m sure it will come to you” and “The longer I

wait, the madder I’m getting.”

• Stage 5. Apply social pressure . “We were all talking about it. Everybody knows.” Now he begins to get

curious about who knows and how they found out. As soon as he tries to find out, you’ll know he’s guilty.

Attack Sequence 5: The Missing Link

• Scenario: You think that your mother-in-law may have hired a private investigator to follow you around.

• Stage 1. List facts . Tell her something that you know to be true. “I know you’re not very fond of me, and that

you objected to the wedding, but this time you’ve gone too far.”

• Stage 2. State your assumption . “I know all about the investigator. Why did you think that was necessary?”

• Stage 3. The magic phrase . “You know what, I’m too upset to talk about this now.” The guilty person will

honor your request because she won’t want to anger you further. An innocent person will be mad at you for

accusing her of something that she hasn’t done and will want to discuss it now .

(Ebook - Nlp) - Mind Control - How To Get The Truth Out Of Anyone.PDF

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