Lack of Limits Rating: PG-13 Summary: Outside POV on Brian, Justin and happiness Warnings: None John�s bored. Its all so fucking boring. The stupid airport and his stupid mother and the stupid everything. John is convinced that everything in the World is fucking stupid. Especially the cousins who they�re waiting to greet, cousins coming to stay for Christmas, the perfect, happy Christian family. Except they�re not perfect and John is pretty sure he�s not a Christian now, and God�s full of shit and so are his cousins. The stupid cousins he doesn�t want to see anyway are late, their plane�s been held up, some fucking storm of some fucking shit, whatever the fuck it doesn�t matter. He looks up at the arrivals board and watches the planes come in from San Francisco, London, Toronto, New York� Why the fuck would anyone from there, from those places want to come to fucking Pittsburgh? He�s standing by the window and staring covetously at the bar when he sees Brian. There�s a moment of panic when he thinks that maybe Brian can see him, but then he realises that Brian isn�t looking his way, he�s pacing irritably and then standing still and trying to look nonchalant. There�s another guy with him who always used to hang around, what was he called? Mike? Something like that. Mike is lounged in one of the hard plastic chairs that are in every airport John has ever been to, not that that�s many, and looks amused by Brian�s twitchiness. His fag uncle and his fag friend. It doesn�t feel so right calling them that now though. Not since Billy McGraw was showing off in class the other day about how his whole family was going down to stay in New York with his brother, in his brother�s flash town house, and it had dawned on John that his brother�s partner was male. He�d spoken without thinking, it had been shocked out of him, �Your brother�s a fag?� And Billy had turned round and said, ever so casually, �So?� And he�d said, �Doesn�t bother me.� He�d said it too quickly, it was an obvious lie and yet as he�d walked home, kicking the dirty grey snow, he�d thought the problem with the whole God Hates Fags thing was that implied that God didn�t hate straight people. And if God existed, which he would not be betting on any time soon, then he really didn�t seem to like his Mom and Grandma very much. Grandma was an alcoholic, although no one admitted it which would really help her, yeah the fuck right, and Mom was just bitter. Dried and bitter years before she should be. He�d been to friends� houses and seen their Moms or Step-Moms or whatever and they tended to be warm, their houses were warm, his just felt like the frost had gotten inside and covered everything there. He couldn�t remember the last time he�d seen his Mom look like Brian and Mike, eyes light and teasing, laughing at each other and looking happy; even though Brian also looked edgy and kept turning to stare at the gate. He can�t help but think if God Really Hates Fags then the two of them should look more miserable, and well, hated. Rather than just two normal guys bitching at each other. And then, then, Brian stands up and smiles, kind of awkwardly, and walks forward. John looks at the crowd of people who�ve obviously just been poured off a flight and spots the blond guy, the guy that noticed the bracelet. And the blond guy spots Brian and starts to beam. John thinks that whoever came up with the phrase �their face lit up� had seen that smile, must have know that guy, because he�s never seen anyone smile so brightly. And then Brian is moving forward, like he wants to run really, and skids to a halt in front of blond guy. They just sort of touch at first, smiling at each other, looking so fucking happy, and then they�re kissing right there in the middle of the airport. And it kind of makes his mouth drop open, because he just knows that when he kissed those girls it didn�t look anything like as good as that. He might of put his hands in their hair, but he didn�t tangle it. They�d been close, but their bodies hadn�t been pressed together like that, like they were fucking with clothes on. And the thought, or feeling, or knowledge, or whatever it is in his head that he tries to ignore, flares up again and he just knows. But for the first time he thinks that maybe that isn�t actually a bad thing, because his Mom and Grandma might be straight, but they never smile like that. And when the kiss breaks the two beam at each other again, and the other gay guy comes forward, and the blond guy hugs him, and all three of them are laughing in this tight little glowing circle. He ducks back to watch as they walk past him out of the airport. He looks at how Brian and the blond guy touch each other constantly, smile constantly. And he notices how a few people scowl at them, and a few smile, but how most ultimately don�t actually seem to give a shit, too wrapped up in their own lives to care about some stranger�s. And he thinks that if he could be that happy, smile like that with someone, have someone so happy to see him they shine, he could run the risk of spending the rest of eternity in a hell he�s not sure he believes in. He can only see their backs now and Brian sticks his hand under his boyfriend�s coat, obviously groping his ass, and John smiles for what seems the first time in years and he thinks that he might go and knock on Brian�s door sometime over the holidays. He�ll probably be told to fuck off and he�ll need to seriously grovel, but it might be worth it for some of that warmth. The End
Mojaunicorn