The List by Jayeliwood.pdf

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5870394/1/The_List

The List

Bella is now 30 but where has her life really taken her? She's got a job,but not really a

life to speak of. No lover, no kids, nothing... Feeling lost and alone on her 30th birthday

she drunkenly writes a list of things she's never done before but has always wanted to.

Maybe life really begins at 30?

Preface- 30

Okay, so I'll admit it. I didn't handle the big three O that well. At all. But, in my defense,

when I was twenty and I envisioned the day it went much differently in my head. I

figured I'd be surrounded by my friends, my kids, and would be eating cake while in the

arms in my hunky husband. Not home alone with my fat ass on the couch eating cake and

watching reruns. Not even my mother came to see me on my birthday. What the hell?

Of course not, she was too busy running around with her new hunky husband.

Dammit, WHERE THE HELL IS MY HUNKY HUSBAND?

I'll also admit that I had gotten myself very drunk. It was my birthday and I deserved

champagne. Maybe not a bottle and a half's worth, but I did anyway. I wanted to indulge.

As I laid there I thought about my life and what it had become.

The first and only thing that really came to mind was my business. I was a web designer

and I've been doing extremely well since I went out on my own. I had almost fifty small

local companies that keep me working. I could even work mainly in my pajamas at home

if I wanted to. How many people could say that?

But what else was there?

I had no friends. I did at some point, or at least I thought I did. When I was with my ex

we were always surrounded by this wonderful group of people. But when he met his true

love, and I mean out of his mind crazy in love soul mate, that group disappeared. It was

just too awkward for me and for them. And I knew where their loyalty laid.

With Jacob. Always with their 'brother'.

Not that I blamed him or them. He deserved his love and happiness. And he did it the

right way. He never cheated and he never lied. He was very upfront about the whole

thing. I think most guys could learn from Jacob on that matter. He was always such a nice

guy.

I guess I could be a bit angry about the part where they only dated six months before they

got married and we dated for six years without a single peep about marriage.

And the fact that she was only in her very early twenties.

And she looked like a fricken super model and I was a fat ass.

Okay, my grapes were a wee bit sour. But as I gazed at the television I couldn't find the

will to care. I wasn't even sure what I was watching. It was black and white and everyone

was smiling.

Except for me.

Fuckers.

I don't know what made me snap but I threw myself a little tantrum, throwing the remote

across the room and growled loudly. Sitting up, I ran my fingers through my mussed up

hair. "Come on! I'm better than this! Life is suppose to be better than that!"

I tried to find someone to blame in my mind for my life. I really did. But there was no

one to blame but myself. I was the only one that allowed myself to get that way.

"How did I get this way?" I asked myself in frustration.

Fear , a little voice in the back of my head said quietly.

"There are so many things I wanted to do with my life. When did I get so scared? There

are so many things I've never done."

Maybe one of the things I needed to do was see a therapist. Lord knows that talking to

myself probably wasn't at all healthy.

I laid my head against the back of the couch, looking up at the ceiling. I needed to talk to

my mother. She'd know what to do. She had always been so young at heart. Nothing ever

slowed her down. Even now in her early fifties she was out there living her life. I picked

up the phone and dialed her number.

She answered on the sixth ring, sounding breathless. "Hey, baby girl! I knew there was

something I forgot to do today. Happy birthday!"

"Gee, mom. Thanks. I feel loved," I mumbled, rubbing my forehead roughly.

"Sorry," she giggled. There was squealing in the background then laughter. "Phillip! Stop

it! Honestly, I'm on the phone with Bella! Give me a minute."

"What are you doing?" I asked before I could think about. Gagging a little bit, I shivered

at the most obvious answer. Things you didn't want to think about your mother doing...

"Oh," she laughed, "Phil is helping me scratch out things on my list."

"Your list?" I said, once again before I could think about it. "Do I want to know?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter! Honestly, Isabella. If we were having sex I wouldn't

have answered the phone, silly child. No, we're in the middle of a field, looking up at the

stars."

"And what does this have to do with a list?"

"It was on a list of things I want to do before I die. One of them is go into the middle of a

field and watch a meteor shower. There was about fifty things. Phil has helped me with

about twenty of them," she gave a little sigh and I could practically hear the smile in her

voice. "The first one was that thing, Phil. You remember? In the woods. I had bug bites in

the worst places after that."

"OH! God! Did I need to hear that?" I asked, another little gag hanging in the back of my

throat.

"Well, Bella, I'm still a very sexually act-"

"Okay, mom, I didn't call to hear about your sex life," I told her. At this point I was trying

to remember why I called her. Oh, to make myself feel better. It didn't seem to be working

though.

"Sorry," she snipped at me before laughing at something on the other side of the phone.

"Isabella, honey, I need to go. It's starting! I'll call you tomorrow! Love you! Happy

birthday."

And she hung up.

I guess Renee was just too busy living her own life.

I threw the phone beside me on the couch, placing my hands in my lap with a small pout

on my face. She was busy living her life, why couldn't I live my life?

"I need one of those damn lists," I mumbled. "All the things I want to do that I've never

done. The things I need to do before I turn thirty one."

Then write it , the voice whispered. Honestly, I was never going to drink that much again

but if the voice was going to talk to me then I was going to answer it. It was rude not to.

"Where do I start?" I asked my brain.

With a piece of paper and a pen...

I looked at my college ruled paper and purple pen for a good thirty minutes, just sipping

on another glass of champagne before I began writing anything. And then the words just

began to pour from me.

Reconnect with a friend I've lost.

I've never been a size ten. Lose whatever it takes to get to that weight!

I've never had an orgasm by another person's hands- change that!

Just take the next flight to anywhere, no matter where it is

Go to London

Kiss a total stranger

Go to an event that requires formal wear

Love myself

Dance in the Rain

Play hide and seek (I don't care if it's dorky)

I've never gotten high before (Yeah, I know, not exactly legal but I've always been

curious)

I've never told someone I really hated off

Gone to a Casino

Get a tattoo

Buy a pair of high heels and actually wear them

Flirt and have it work (You know what I mean)

Take dance lessons

Make a new dish a week, a healthy one

Join a gym

Go on a blind date

Go to a concert

Stay at a bed and breakfast

Plant a tree

Do something truly kinky

Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans

Do something crafty

Buy something from Tiffany's for myself

Visit a Winery

Throw a party

Make a homemade cake

Learn to knit (I know it's connected to crafty, I don't care)

Go to a baseball game

Go Ripley's believe it or not

Buy fancy knickers (ha ha ha)

Stay up and watch the sunrise

Try Greek Food

Take a self defense course

Stay at a 5 star hotel for no good reason

Go to a Spa

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