This Is Not My Life by isakassees.pdf

This Is Not My Life by isakassees

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5540509/1/

This Is Not My Life

Chapter 1: Prologue

EPOV

"Lily, did you have fun with Nana Esme today?" I looked in the rearview mirror at

my little princess who was bouncing with an excitement she must have inherited

from her Aunt Ali.

"OOOH Yes Daddy, we had so much fun we played outside in the morning with

chalk and bubbles and then I decided to make yucky soup in the mud and then I

found a roly poly and I gave him a hug but I think I hugged him too tight because

then he didn't move anymore but then I found a ladybug and Nana Esme told me

that you can get ladybug farms and keep them for pets and so I want to ask

Santa for a ladybug farm for Christmas or is my birthday coming before

Christmas because then I will just ask you or Nana Esme or Papaw Carlisle or

Aunt Ali or Uncle Jazz or Aunt Rose or Uncle Em-"

She paused to take her first breath since she opened her mouth and I took the

opportunity to jump in before that continued. I swear one of these days she was

going to pass out trying to tell me about her day. But this was truthfully my

favorite part of the day, hearing about hers. I hated having to leave for such long

hours while I was at the hospital, but as soon as my residency was finished, I

planned on starting up a private practice where I could work more reasonable

hours. The hardest part of my day was driving away from her.

"Lily, your birthday will be coming up before Christmas, because it's July, and

your birthday is September 25th, so I will make sure to put a ladybug farm on

your wish list, okay, Princess? We need to stop at the store on the way home,

okay?" The silliest question to ask, really, the child loved the grocery store. I

swear she was going to be a chef when she grew up. I loved having her help put

meals together and cook dinner every night. It was our thing that we always did

on nights when I was off in time for dinner.

"What are we making tonight little chef?"

"P'sghettis please, Daddy. Ooh and I want to make a salad and garlic bread to go

with it okay, Daddy?" She told rather than asked me, knowing she was the menu

maker in the house. In so many ways she was growing up too fast, but I loved

that she still couldn't say spaghetti right. I'd probably cry the day she did.

"P'sghettis it is, Princess. Remember to stay close and keep your hand on the

cart, or you go in alright?" I reminded her.

"I know daddy," she sighed at me. I could almost hear the eye roll.

I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and grabbed the first spot I

could. I'd never understood the need to circle a parking lot for fifteen minutes

searching for a space that saved maybe 10 feet of walking distance. I unbuckled

her booster and hoisted her up onto my hip to walk into the store. She wriggled

out of my arms as soon as we were inside and helped me pull a cart into the

store. We walked straight to the back of the store and worked our way to the

front, going aisle through aisle collecting all the necessary ingredients for

tonight's dinner, chatting more about her day as we shopped.

We finally made our way to the front of the store in the produce section, and I

was selecting some tomatoes for our salad when she exclaimed, "Daddy! I almost

forgot. We're out of apples my new favorite fruit is apples! Can I go pick some

up, they're right there at the end of the lane?" She pulled out the puppy dog eyes

and batted her lashes, while sticking her bottom lip out just a tad. My god, she

had to stop hanging out with Alice so much.

"Yes sweetie, but you stay right there and don't even think about walking around

the corner where I can't see you, alright?" I gave her my best stern look,

complete with the arched eyebrow. I learned that one from my mom, and hey, if

she was going to pull out the big guns, so was I.

She nodded her head emphatically agreeing with me and skipped over to the

apple display, and I saw it happen in my mind a split second before it actually

did. A huge pyramid of apples balancing precariously on top of each other was

just asking for my daughter to pull from the bottom causing the ENTIRE display

to come crashing and rolling around her.

At that exact moment, a woman came walking around the corner, feet first into

the avalanche walking straight into Lily. Her feet went right out from underneath

her and Lily fell on top of her while apples continued to fall all around them.

I probably stood there gaping for a full second before I sprang into action,

jumping over to them in a leap but still unsure of exactly what to do or say to this

poor woman or my daughter who appeared to be sobbing into the woman's shirt

clinging on for dear life. The woman had her eyes shut tightly and seemed to be

shaking slightly as well, and I worried I might soon be dealing with a very upset

stranger… until all of sudden I heard a giggle burst out, followed by a snort and

another giggle. Was she laughing?

Before I could blink, they both burst out laughing. Lily was still lying on top of

this woman who was flat on her back in the produce section.

It was a nice grocery store in a good part of town, but I'd never in my life seen a

woman fall to the ground who didn't immediately start shrieking. But there they

were, with tears of laughter streaming down their faces pointing at what used to

be an impressive pile of apples, laughing hysterically and gasping for air for

several minutes before I finally cleared my throat to remind them of my

presence.

The woman looked over at me then, flushed in the face from laughing so hard

and grinning from ear to ear. She tilted her head and said, "Excuse me, but did

you happen to lose a giggle monster? Because I seem to have found one that

landed on my lap and I'm sure her owner is very eager to find her. I hear giggle

monsters like apples, but I wouldn't recommend the granny smiths. They seem to

out of stock at the moment." At this, Lily broke out into hysterics all over again

as she scrambled off the woman and started trying to stand up amongst the

apples surrounding them.

I was so dumbfounded at this stranger, who had my daughter laughing harder

than I'd ever heard, when same said daughter had knocked the wind out of her

and made her fall onto a filthy floor, and was just joking about it, like there was

no other natural reaction.

I was in such a daze that I didn't even offer my hand to help her up, until I saw

her start to rise and stumble over some of the apples under her feet. I reached

over and grabbed onto her left elbow while my other hand instinctively went

around her waist to steady her, and I finally got a good look at her up close. And

my god was she pretty.

No fuck that… beautiful.

Like the natural kind of beauty, with big brown doe eyes and pale porcelain skin,

with a gorgeous blush in her cheeks from all her laughter, and big full lips that

smelled like cherries.

Wait how can I smell her lips?

Oh shit… I am standing way too close to this woman. And I've still got my arms

wrapped around her!

I jumped back quickly and looked down at my daughter who was gaping at me,

mouth open, probably wondering when her daddy's brain died and why he was

groping at strangers in the supermarket. I glanced back up at the woman- I

really need to find out her name- and she was looking at me with her eyebrows

raised …but at least she wasn't beating me with her handbag yet. She just stood

there staring at me, until she shook her head a bit, and blushed anew.

She knelt down next to Lily, and introduced herself. "Hi! I'm Bella. I think we

should probably start picking up some of these apples don't you?"

Lily giggled out a little, "Yeah," and they started picking up the apples and placing

them back onto the shelf.

I finally snapped out of the trance I was in, and stuttered out quickly, "Let me

just grab my cart and I'll come help pick them up. Miss, you really don't have to

help, you didn't cause this mess." I didn't want to call her by her first name, since

she hadn't introduced herself to me, but wow, I really wanted the chance to say

it.

Bella. Beautiful.

She didn't even look up, scoffing, "Please. The great apple avalanche of 2009 has

been the most exciting part of my day; I haven't laughed that hard since...ever."

At that, she glanced up at me, smiling slightly, and I looked away quickly,

because apparently looking into this woman's eyes took away my ability to have

coherent thought process.

I walked to my cart to push it back over them. As I reached it, I heard a sound

that would haunt my memory for the rest of my life. I heard my Lily scream and

then a gunshot rang out followed by complete silence. I whipped around to save

my little girl from I don't know fucking what, and what I saw made me freeze.

A man, with stringy blond hair, and cold gray eyes had a gun pointed at my baby

girl and Bella.

Chapter 2: His Story

EPOV

Five o'clock. Fucking finally.

I had been ready for this day to be over since it started this morning. Living in

Seattle, I was used to gray, cloudy, overcast days. But it was fucking pouring this

morning, and I just wanted to curl up under my covers with my very sweet and

sleepy daughter and not get up for a day. But I didn't have that option, because I

was pretty sure using the rain as an excuse to call in sick really wouldn't fly with

the Chief of Medicine. Even if the Chief does play golf with my dad on a weekly

basis.

So I got my ass out of bed and managed to stub my toe twice on my way to the

shower, cut myself shaving, and step on a Barbie shoe all before breakfast.

Awesome start.

My four year old daughter Lily, apparently had the same views on sleeping in this

morning that I originally did, because it took me fifteen minutes just to get her

out of bed, and she decided to play 'limp noodle' while I dressed her. She was

really trying to make things easier for me today.

I managed to get her to my parent's house without further incident, and not for

the first time, did I wish there was someone at my home to be with her. Not her

actual mother…god no, that was a mess I was glad to have cut from my life.

I still didn't know how I was going to tell Lily one day about her mom. She'd

asked about her before, and I had managed to put her off for the most part for

now, but I knew that wouldn't last forever.

How did you tell your child that her own mother didn't want her? I could only

hope she never found out how I had to beg and plead with Tanya to not have an

abortion, promising her anything under the sun, as long as she just gave me that

baby.

I never loved Tanya, and she sure as shit never loved me, but the day she told

me she was pregnant, I felt like the world just made sense. It was unplanned and

fucking horrible timing, seeing as I was only halfway through medical school, but

the absolute joy and automatic pride I felt at being somebody's father just blew

my mind. And I learned my protective side developed rather fucking quickly as

the next words out of her mouth were demanding that I pay for the abortion.

I quite fucking literally saw red. I flat out refused, and we hammered out a

financial and legal agreement which had me paying for her living and medical

expenses for the next year, with the understanding that she would walk away

after the birth obligation free. That was definitely not the way I envisioned

waiting for my firstborn child, what with angry phone calls at all hours of the day

demanding the most ridiculous food cravings. (At one point I actually ordered

chocolate directly from Switzerland, and this weird sponge cake that is made in

Germany but only sold in Japan for some unknown reason).

I paid for thousands of dollars in designer maternity clothes all designed to make

her look as least pregnant as possible, because as far as Tanya was concerned, it

was the most disgusting thing on the planet. She was actually a very pretty

woman, or at least she would have been if her soul wasn't a black vacuum of all

things good that destroyed all outer beauty. When we were dating she was high

maintenance to be sure, but she wasn't this vindictive manipulator I came to

know as the real Tanya. She could hide her true nature fairly well when it worked

to her advantage, but once she had me by the balls, the tiger showed its true

stripes…

And brought out the fucking claws. Jesus.

She completely refused to let me take any pictures of her stomach, or touch it in

any way. She demanded a 'post-partum' shower, where I paid for her and her

collection of equally vapid and shallow pit of vipers to gather around her and

lament her condition, while giving her gifts she could use once she was, and I

quote, "rid of this fucking thing."

They gave her gift certificates for personal trainers, treatments to the med-spa,

bottles upon bottles of liquor, and quite the assortment of diet pills. My family

ended up throwing me a baby shower once we found it was going to be a girl,

and I got to celebrate and start putting together my little princess's nursery. It

was slightly emasculating to sit in a room full of finger foods and diaper cakes (if

you ever met my sister Alice you'd understand) in a fucking sea of pink and lace,

but I was just so fucking excited that I was going to be a dad.

The day she was born was the best day of my life.

Tanya had a scheduled C-section, because she had apparently been able to fuck a

plastic surgeon into agreeing to give her a tummy tuck after she delivered the

baby.

I didn't fucking care. The second my baby was out and wrapped up, the nurses

handed her to me and I was complete. She opened up her little gray eyes and

looked right into mine, and I was hooked. I already knew the answer, but just to

be nice, I asked Tanya if she wanted to hold her, and she didn't even look up at

me to tell me to "Get fucking real Edward. That's your baby, not mine."

So I walked away and never looked back at her. After the forty-eight hour grace

period was up, I sent in my family's lawyer, who was a fucking shark by the way,

and she signed away all rights to my daughter, Lily Autumn Cullen. Tanya's loss,

not ours.

My daughter was beyond loved by myself and every single member of my family.

She was lacking for nothing in the affection and devotion department. And I could

lie and say I was an absolutely perfect father, who never yelled or put on a movie

so I could get some quiet, but I did.

And I could lie and say I never got frustrated when it took us almost two months

of crying and gas and colic to find a formula that didn't hurt her stomach but

there were days when I would cry into my pillow when she woke up for the third

time in the night wailing.

I could lie and say I was perfectly content doing this on my own, not that I really

was on my own. My mother was like a mother to Lily, but she was not actually a

mother to her. And I was not content like this. My daughter was my favorite

person on the planet, but I got lonely.

I hated sounding like a chick, but it wasn't even about sex. Granted, I would

fucking love to have access to sex on a regular basis, but what I really ached for

is a companion. Somebody to do this with, raise my little girl with me as her

own… I wanted a partner.

I learned my lesson with Tanya, and decided way back when that I would not

have sex with any woman I couldn't see myself having a child with. Because my

daughter was living proof that condoms were most definitely not 100% effective.

And while I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world, I would never want to have

to go through another situation like this one. Ever.

So it was safe to say I was in a bit of a dry spell. My sweet sister, god bless her,

had tried to set me up on a couple of dates in the last few years, but those were

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