Broken Doll by RowanMoon COMPLETE.pdf

Fanfiction Based On Characters From Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight Series

Rated M for Mature

Broken Doll

by RowanMoon

Summary: Bella's marriage to Jacob is on the rocks. It's 9 years after Edward left her in the forest.

She wanders into the forest, back to the place her pain began and finds her world tipped on it's axis

buried in simple human lies. Alternate Universe.

Chapter 1

BPOV

I don't dream any more.

IhaventdreamtsincethatdayEdwardleftsomanyyearsagonow

I've died twice since that day.

The first time I died after Edward left me in the forest. Why didn't he just dig a hole, put me in it and finish the

job?

I was devastated when my heart, my love, told me I was not wanted.

Not wanted.

I shrivelled up and blew away to a place where no one could touch me. Not even my parents could reach

me...and I know I broke their heart in my exile from the reality I didn't want to face. All those months! Then

Jacob, child hood friend, dear gentle heart, held out his hand to me and smiled, he was my sun. I basked in his

warmth and dared myself to accept it. He woke me from my zombie like state and coaxed me gently into

feeling again. He gave me hope for a life I could not choose on my own. Edward stole my choices with as much

callousness as he stole my heart. Jacob took those crumbled pieces and applied the band-aids of hope, faith

and comfort.

Ours was a comfortable love, not an all encompassing, heady love that I gave to Edward...but safe, secure and

familiar. We married. Shortly after my honeymoon, Charlie died from a massive coronary. I was devastated.

He left me the house, and the vast acreage of forest behind it, and wanting to remain as close as I could to my

father now that he was gone, I begged Jacob for us to begin our new life there. He was very supportive even

though he did not want to leave the Reservation. We were happy at first. After a few years of quiet

contentment,wesettledintoalifeofcomplacency

I was never meant to be complacent.

The complacency is what killed me the second time. My salvation eventually morphed into my undoing. Even

the best band aids dry out and peel off...or, they are simply ripped off quickly and thrown into the trash once

the bleeding stops and healing is underway.

Jacob was so sure in our love that he paid it no mind, no due care. He went to work, came home, and ate the

meals I put in front of him each day. He would tell me everyday I was irreplaceable, his reason for being. Then

he would place his widening ass on the couch and watch TV until bedtime. It all became white noise. Stale and

boring, like the snacks he would gorge himself upon while settling for an evening of baseball.

His lovemaking, albeit heartfelt, was sloppy and smacked of laziness and inexperience. I was unhappy.

Unfulfilled. Unsatisfied. Since I was happier than the wraith I was when Sam Uley found me on the forest floor

years before, I swallowed my discontent like a bitter venom and told myself I should be thankful. I was

obligated. I choked on those sentiments. They cut off my air and I died a little everyday. Drowning in this

repressed aggression. He was a good man. He loved me. I swam in guilt from the get go, knowing I would

never love Jacob the way I loved Edward...but he assured me he knew that, and it didn't matter.

It should have mattered.

I performed all of my wifely duties, and more; Jacob being so young and immature, was not good at handling

theadultpartsofourrelationshipthechequebalancing,thepayingofbills,theplanningforretirementso

I handled it all. Eventually, the weight of shouldering all of the responsibilities for two lives seeped into my

passiveaggressiveheartandIshutdownslowly,overtimeAtfirst,IstoppedreadingthebooksIlovedThen

I stopped writing. I stopped listening to music and cooking the homemade meals and served up processed

frozen entrees. Then I stopped "making love" to him. Jacob finally clued in that there was a problem. One

morning over breakfast, he asked me point blank if I was happy.

"No." I delivered that cold, hard, word with dead dull eyes – another new feature of my constantly saddened

state. To be honest, this wasn't far off what I had been like when Edward left.

No.

Never.

Nothing could compare to that! The emptiness in my chest and the acidic taste of rejection rose to the surface.

I stood my ground waiting for Jacob's reaction to the knife I never wanted to cut his heart out with. His love

alone was not enough to save me. There was no going back now. I had ripped off the band aid.

He said my name softly, but it was wrought with tension for control;

"Bella..." his face turned red, and a lone tear began to run down his cheek. His sad brown eyes glazed over

with anger and he began to tremble, clenching and unclenching white knuckled fists. He then turned around

and stomped out the door, just as a child would have done, again, reiterating to me who my husband was.

He knew there was nothing he could do to change how I felt.

I knew he was never coming back. I had cut him to his core with a simple, two letter word.

I crumpled to the floor and died again.

I was alone. A relief washed over me for that....but it evaporated as quickly as it came. Then I felt nothing. I

welcomed that feeling; I had spent too long fighting it. Numbness crept into my soul and I resigned myself to

it's peace.

I never wanted to share my heart and my pain again.

I laid on the floor until the moonlight filtered through the kitchen window and I heard the soft, mysterious

sounds of night. I closed my eyes and sighed. Should I get up? Then what happens? I worried I had so marred

my soul that I was irrevocably ambivalent.

Do something Bella.

I decided to get up.

I looked around the house and felt panic settling in. I could not stay here. I walked out of the house and into

the forest. I felt a strange pull to the place where I had died the first time. It seemed cathartic to retrace my

steps into the depths of where my pain began. Because I realised only then that it had never left. Jacob had

only pacified the intensity of it. The night was damp, but I welcomed the physical sensation of the mist on my

body. I was reminded of one day so long ago, we were blood typing in biology and I was on the verge of

passing out. Mike Newton jumped at the chance to be my night in shining armour and had helped me outside

to catch my bearings. Edward swooped in from out of nowhere and gallantly saved me from being Newton's

damsel in distress fantasy. He deftly picked me up and carried me to the nurse. The drizzling rain on my face

and being held in his strong, cold arms had felt so good. I was struck with a strong stab of pain in my chest and

suddenly the hole that damnable vampire left in my heart was more present than ever. With a vengeful

agonizing stroke, erased were the years of reprieve I had stolen from the raw pain of my loss and it now

carried a devastating, crushing weight. It knocked the breath out of me. At least I was feeling something

besides the buzzing numbness that had permeated my soul. I walked on and on, an animated corpse

stumbling through the under brush. The moon trailed across the sky and I followed it's ghostly path.

Towards morning, I came upon a clearing where a small, stone cabin stood. I had no idea this was out here.

We owned hundreds of acres of this forest, so I knew it was on our land, but Charlie had never mentioned it's

existence. Curiousity over took me and I walked up to a window filmed over with dirt and wiped a peek hole

across it with my sleeve. Peering through the grimy window I took in the furnishings and came to the

conclusion that it was at one time or another inhabited. Maybe even recently. I walked over to the door and

gave the knob a rattle. To my surprise, it creaked open.

I was not prepared for the smell that assaulted my nose when I opened the door.

I dropped to my knees.

The scent ripped open a wormhole through time and threw me backwards to a night in an Italian Restaurant,

his cold leather jacket enveloping me in the sweetest, most alluring scent I had ever encountered. Flashes of

evenings in my small bed wrapped in his stony embrace, the meadow, his bedroom..

Edward .

Everything went black as I passed out in the doorway from shock.

Chapter 2

EPOV

The sun was coming up and I was making my way back to the cabin after hunting when I caught her scent.

What is she doing way out here?

I froze. It's too close. She's too close. She will find me. SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FIND ME!!!!! I can't have that.

She can't know after so many years, that I've been camping out here on the sidelines of her life and watched as

she collapsed in on herself.

I picked up my pace and followed her scent towards the cabin.

Oh god!

The cabin?!

How did sh e...?

I worried it was too close when I finally decided to settle there. I couldn't rely on my sister's visions to help me

with any more decisions regarding Bella as Alice had long ago refused to help me, she believed me a stupid

fool for leaving her in the first place. She has yet to forgive me. The very need to be near Bella burned away

my better judgement. The time I was away from her was so painful... I could never have anticipated it, the only

thing comparable to it was my conversion. However, this burning razed my heart to ashes every second I was

away from her. The only thing that kept me away was the obligation that I had: to find and kill Victoria. To

finish the nightmare James had started. We had learned from the Denali Coven that she had set her sights on

Bella since I had killed her lover. Mate for mate. Laurent and Irina had fallen in love shortly after his arrival

and he pledged his loyalty to her family. Victoria was unaware of the depths of his fealty when she asked of

him a favor concerning Bella. I'm sure Victoria believed herself to be so cunning as to not come after me

directly. She was unable to fathom she had only made me deadlier by going after my heart, my love. Bella was

fused to my very soul, whether we were together or apart. The threat of losing her awakened that primal

beast within me that would protect her with everything I had.

Emmett, Jasper and I caught up with her in Seattle; she was creating an army of newborns. The purpose of this

was never discovered, it seemed overkill for just one accident prone, fragile human, but Jasper assured me I

would never want to find out what that hellish army was capable of. We alerted the Volturi, anonymously, to

her plans. We hid behind the scenes and watched the Volturi Guard dispatch of Victoria and her minions in

eight minutes and forty-five seconds. It was swift, merciless and sickening to watch...but watched I did only to

make sure it was done, and that Bella would be safe. Bella. My Bella. Always. Then I went back to her.

I could not stay away any longer.

The first time I saw her, my dead, unbeating heart was ripped right from my chest. I had been lying on my

back on her rooftop, figuring out how to approach her finally, considering the delicacy of the situation and the

pain I had left her in, I knew it was not going to be an easy reunion. I heard a vehicle pull in the driveway; I

rolled over onto my stomach and watched this intrusion as it pulled into the drive. The car looked all too

familiar.

Jacob Black.

A low growl resonated in my chest as I saw how close Bella was sitting next to him. Her head was leaning on

his shoulder.

They kissed.

My world crashed in on itself. I leapt off the roof and ran into the woods at full speed. I wanted to gouge out

my eyes. I wanted to howl. I wanted to run back and rip that dog to shreds for daring to touch her.

It was my fault and I accepted that, I left her.

She found the strength I knew she would have and she moved on. I had led him right to her. I might as well

have covered her in dog kibble. What right did I have to her now that she seemed happy? What right did I

have to her ever?

I was so selfish. I was so masochistic. I still loved her. I needed to be near her. If only from afar, then so be it.

My cold hard existence was nothing without her.

I again had to remind myself...this was how I planned it to be for her. All I wanted for her was to live a normal,

happy, human life, to marry and to have children. To grow old and enjoy the twilight of her years with

someone who loved her. But hell! Jacob Black?! Oh...the irony.

That was never what I wanted. Werewolves, especially young ones, were dangerous..unpredictable. I had to

make sure she was safe, even though it was sheer torture seeing her with him.

This was a different Bella than the one I had left. A darker, more dangerous spirit that seemed hell bent on

testing her limits. She broke her promise to me to stay safe, so I broke the one I made to myself to stay away. I

rationalized that if I could stay out of sight..that perhaps I could pull it off.

I watched them cliff dive at La Push beach. It took everything I had not to zip in before her toes left the ledge

and run her to a safer location. I watched her open her fragile, lithe arms and plummet into the ocean. It was

horrifyingandbeautifulallatthesametimeMyBella,fallingtotheearthliketheangelsheisIcouldeven

picture wings. When she finally emerged from the water unscathed and newly baptised within her bravery, I

exhaled the breath I had been holding that my vampire body didn't actually require. She resurrected so much

of the human in me.

I watched her drive that damn motorcycle all over hell's half acre. I cursed Jacob for ever indulging her in that

foray into her "danger" fetish. The first day she wrecked the bike I nearly turned myself into a moving Disco

ball to get to her to make sure she was okay, but Jacob was too close. Determined to ride that death trap, I was

unable to leave her unchaperoned during her Easy Rider moments. I would fly through the tops of the trees

along the highway to make sure she safely completed the ride between her house and La Push. The better she

got at driving the old beast, the prouder I became of her. She was emerging into this powerful unending

mystery of a woman. She still managed to surprise me...it's what I love most about her.

I watched her accept Jacob the Wolf with quiet determination; she got along very well with the Pack and was

respected by the Elders of the tribe. She managed to convince them all that my family was never and will

never be a threat to the Quileute Tribe and the residents of Forks. When asked if we would return, I watched

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