CONTENTS
FIRST NIGHTER
Karen Haber
THE ROOM KEY
Terry Kepner
TELLING HUMAN STORIES
Margaret Ball
THE SMALL PENANCE OF IADY DISDAIN
Michael Coney
RHUUM SERVICE
Brad Feiguson
SOFT IN THE WORLD. AND BRIGHT
M. Shayne Bell
TO CARESS THE FACE OF GOD
Dove Wolverfon
GLASS WALLS
Krfsfine Kafhryn Rusch
FACE TIME
Janet Kagan
IT'S A GIFT
Esther M. FriQsner
THE HAPPY HOOKERMORPH
Kevin J. Anderson
VOLATILE MIX
Jerry Off/on
Lekvich Tor was excited, perhaps'even a bit overly excited.
But why not? he told himself. Tonight was going to be a
big night. The biggest.
He stared at his image in the holomirror and saw exactly
the same thing that he had seen when he had looked at him-
self not two minutes before: a short, stocky young man of
eighteen, with pale purple skin, red hair cut into fashionable
swirls, and amber-colored eyes. wearing a blue uniform with
the logo of the Hotel Andromeda set in golden glowstitch
against the right shoulder.
Proudly, Lekvich Tor shot his glowstitched cuffs. He
looked fine, even if he did say so himself. It was his first
night on full duty at the Hotel Andromeda concierge desk and
he couldn't quite believe that he was actually working for
such a wonderful place. He, Lekvich Tor, fifth son of Velia
Tor, bom and raised on the fringes of the galaxy on the col-
ony world of Vladimir's Folly, beginning his career at the
2 Karen Haber
biggest orbital hotel complex in the sector. Not just a hotel, he
reminded himself, but a space terminal and stopping point for
every liner passing through the area! He took one last approv-
ing look at himself, then turned and hurried to his new post
in the main lobby of the hotel-
The grand lobby of the Hotel Andromeda was a huge cir-
cular affair, well lit and alive with people, noise, and move-
ment. Its circumference was lined by curving service desks
above which hung holosigns indicating their different func-
tions: reception, cashier, messages, concierge. Robot dollies
hovered inches above the deep blue carpeting, ferrying bag-
gage to and from the hotel's main portals. Public announce-
ments in every known language in the galaxy resounded from
multiple speakers.
The din would have overwhelmed a smaller space but
somehow the great arcing gold-flecked dome of the lobby
managed to contain and reduce the noise until it was a con-
stant buzz, unobtrusive but electrifying.
Enormous viewing bays were set into the north and south
poles of me lobby, providing tantalizing glimpses of distant
stars, nebulas, and passing asteroids. The constant flow of
space traffic could be seen as well: liners docking, modules
uncoupling and chugging toward the hotel terminal while oth-
ers returned to their mother ships. There was an endless
changing show taking place just outside those windows and
many guests had assembled in the viewing lounges to take a
better, more leisurely look.
Lekvich Tor forced his eyes away from outer space and
gazed around the lobby in ever greater excitement The vast
hanging chandeliers with their yellow glow globes moving up
and down! The people hurrying to and fro in every manner of
dress imaginable! The sense of urgency, of important business
being transacted just inches away, was palpable and intoxicat-
ing. He was dazzled by the sophistication of the decor, the
cosmopolitan mix of people. Every shape, every size, every
color. He couldn't help staring in fascination. Perhaps some-
day he would become accustomed to all of this, possibly even
take it for granted. He smiled at the thought of that distant,
sophisticated Lekvich Tor, then shook his head. How could he
ever take all this wonder for granted? Impossible. There was
too much to see: everything was new and amazing.
FIRST NIGHTER 3
His supervisor. Ranee Franklin, was monitoring the con-
cierge board. She was a middle-aged woman with green eyes,
white hair, and a cool, professional demeanor, which he en-
vied. She greeted him with a nod. "You're early, Lekvich.
Good."
Lekvich Tor smiled. He felt dazed and suddenly tongue-
tied.
"Nervous?" Ranee asked.
"Nervous? Who, me?" He shook his head too many times.
"Ranee, do you think that tonight I will see a great many
aliens?" he blurted, barely able to contain himself.
"Of course." She looked at him in surprise and said
sharply, "Is that going to be a problem?"
"No. I mean, I hope not. What I mean is, I've never seen
any before."
"You're in for a treat, then." Her smile was a bit sour at the
edges but Lekvich Tor didn't quite understand why.
"Look," she said. "Do you think you can handle the con-
sole for a couple of minutes? I've got to run to the loo."
Lekvich Tor blushed with pride and embarrassment. Al-
ready, she trusted him enough to leave him in charge. To
share intimate information about bodily needs! His purplish
skin glowed with pleasure. "You can count on me."
"I hope so." She handed him the concierge headset.
He watched her broad back as she strode away toward the
staff lavatory. A powerful woman, not unlike his mother.
Carefully, almost reverently he fit the headset around his ears
and mouth.
The con board lay before him, its glittering display of lights
winking lazily, red and blue and yellow and green. He would
fax his mother tonight and tell her that he had been selected
for extra responsibilities and for once she would boast about
him to his brothers instead of the other way around.
Bzzzzzt!
A call! Someone was ringing from—he checked the screen
carefully—room 1522. And Ranee had not returned. Which
meant that he, Lekvich Tor, must take the call. Hands trem-
bling, he filled his lungs with air and punched the appropriate
flashing button-
"Hotel Andromeda, concierge," he said. His voice sounded
a little high, he thought. He'd have to watch that. He took a
4 Karen Haber
deep breath, pressed his hand against his diaphragm, and tried
to modulate his tone downward. "Good evening."
"There's a Voltorran bat in my room!"
"Sir?"
"I said, there's a Voltorran bat in my room! Hanging from
the chandelier."
"I'm afraid you want Housekeeping—"
"I distinctly ordered a Mykonian bat, in fact, four of them.
With hot mustard."
"One moment, please," Lekvich Tor said. "I'm cross-
scanning the net. Ah, yes. I see. It was room 527 that re-
quested the live Voltorran bat with implant and sonar control.
I'll send someone up to collect it and deliver your order at
once. Our apologies for the inconvenience."
"Make it fast. I'm starving."
"Yes, sir. And to compensate you for the inconvenience,
the bats will be on the house." Ranee had often told him:
"Smooth frayed tempers with freebies."
"Good. Appreciate it."
Lekvich Tor shut down the line and grinned happily. His
first official call and he had handled it without a hitch! If only
Ranee had been there to hear him. Certainly she would have
approved. But she was nowhere to be seen. Oh well, women
spent more time than men in the WC. he knew that. He would
be patient and wait, and perhaps he would even be able to
take another call before Ranee returned.
Sure enough, he had no time to savor his triumph. The call
line was buzzing once more.
"Good evening. Hotel Andromeda, concierge. Can I help
you?"
"No. I mean, yes. That is to say, I'm not quite sure." The
speaker had a pleasant baritone voice and sounded like a
middle-aged Terran.
A high, shrill voice cut in. "Don't listen to him, he's ly-
ing."
"No, he's not," said a silky female contralto. "Oh, this is all
terrible, just terrible."
Lekvich Tor was taken aback by the jumble of voices.
"Hello? Excuse me, please," he said. "Is this still room 1274?
I'm afraid there's been some mistake. Two calls seem to have
crossed. I hear more than one voice on this line."
FtRST NIGHTER 5
"No, there's been no mistake." The baritone sighed deeply.
"We're all in here, together."
"I don't understand, sir. Your room is listed as single occu-
pancy."
"I'm from Veroni-Anspel."
"Oh." Lekvich Tor was stunned. He had read about the
Veroni-Anspelians but he had never expected to talk to one,
much less one apparently in estrus. He felt his cheeks grow-
ing hot at the very thought.
"Forgive me," he said- "I hadn't realized." One fact blazed
in his mind, remembered from his hotel training: Veroni-
Anspelians developed multiple personalities during estrus.
Lekvich Tor didn't know what to say next, or to whom he
would be saying it. Luckily, the Veroni-Anspelian rescued
him from his confusion.
"I'm afraid that I miscalculated the onset of my period," he
said. "And so I've arrived completely unprepared."
"Not to worry, sir," Lekvich Tor replied, thinking rapidly.
"Our pharmacy can supply you with personality dampers."
"Do you have super absorbent?"
"Yes. Five- or ten-day supply?"
*Ten. And please tell them to hurry."
"No, forget it," said a basso-profundo voice.
And the high, shrill voice cried, "Leave us alone! That's
all. Just leave us alone!"
"Shut up, all of us'" bellowed the Veroni-Anspelian.
"Don't worry," Lekvich Tor said. "I'm sending the order to
the pharmacy right now."
"Thank you."
'To hell with you," said the high, shrill voice.
"Good-bye," Lekvich Tor said quickly.
He hung up feeling a bit unnerved but quite pleased by the
way in which he had handled the call. He couldn't wait to tell
Ranee about his progress—but she still had not returned from
the ladies' room. Perhaps she had fainted. Women had that
tendency, he knew, because his mother would often faint
when her children did something of which she disapproved.
Should he send someone to look for her? Anxiously he
scanned the lobby. No Ranee. Well, don't panic, he told him-
self. At least wait a few minutes more. Surely she'll come
back soon. She's probably on her way right now.
6 Karen Haber
Bzzzt!
"Hotel Andromeda, concierge."
"Yes, this is room 3251. I have a euthanasia appointment
tomorrow at noon."
Lekvich Tor scanned the records quickly. "Mr. Ediin, yes."
"I'd like to reschedule. Something came up."
"Same time next week?"
"That would be fine."
Lekvich Tor made the notation. "I'll see that Euthenetics
gets the message."
Bzzzzt!
"Hotel Andromeda—"
"I want to talk to robodealer forty-five in the casino."
"I'm sorry, sir," Lekvich Tor said smoothly. "Those lines
are busy. But I'd be happy to place your bet for you."
"Swell. I'd like to bet on the cyberraces."
"Which steeds?"
"Halley's Snowball."
'To win, place, or show?"
"Place."
"Very good, sir. As you know, your winnings or your fee
wilt be applied to your hotel account."
"Much obliged."
Lekvich Tor shut down the call, sat back on the web seat
behind the con board, and crossed his arms in satisfaction.
Maybe Ranee was never coming back. And maybe he didn't
care-
"Good evening. Hotel Andromeda, concierge."
"I need an unabridged edition of Dante's Slippers by Rock-
well, translated into English III."
"An English III version?" Lekvich Tor scanned the library
scrolls and his spirits fell. "I'm terribly sorry, ma'am. The
only edition we currently have available on line is in
English II."
"Can you have it updated?"
"Let me check the translation grid. Hmnun, they're not too
busy right now. Yes, ma'am, they should be able to have it for
you in roughly half an hour."
"That's fine."
FIRST NIGHTER 7
"Very good, ma'am. I'll have it delivered to you when it's
ready."
As he rang off he saw that the woman had tabbed a gener-
ous tip into his account. Lekvich Tor grinned broadly.
Lekvich Tor nearly flew to the console. "Hotel Andromeda,
concierge."
"Lekvich?"
"Yes?"
"This is Ranee. They were cleaning the ladies' room so I
went down to deck five. But that one was filled with
Mantarian troglodyte nurses and I couldn't hear myself think
straight so I'm on deck nine now. It shouldn't be much
longer."
She hung up before he could say a word.
Lekvich shrugged philosophically. She would be back soon,
surely.
"Hotel Andromeda, concierge.
"Yes, I've just conceived a child."
"Beg pardon?"
"Are you deaf? I said I've Just conceived a child. Ten min-
utes ago."
Lekvich Tor scanned his memory but could not find any
appropriate reference or response from his training. Ner-
vously, he improvised.
"Um, congratulations."
"But I'd like to take a few prenatal precautions. If this one
turns out to get my nose the way the last one did, I'll just
scream."
"I'm sorry, ma'am?" Now he would have given anything to
see Ranee's broad figure barreling toward him and her hand
reaching for the headset.
"A splicer. Do you have a gene splicer on staff?"
"Oh. Right. I'll have to check." He began to u...
staszekka