Mehzmer's Dictionary of Bad Psychology.pdf

Dr. Mezmer’s Reference of Bad

Psychology

as regurgitated to

A. J. Marr

Table of Contents

The Dictionary

pp. 1-68

The Encyclopedia

pp. 69-201

(abridged from 250 volume version existing in my fevered imagination)

(The complete Mezmer reference, including the encylopedia, will be

offered at Lulu.com as a self published non masterpiece on Aug 1, 2008)

Introduction

The philosopher Voltaire said that if folks just bothered to define their terms, there would

not be any need to argue. Unlike definitions of aardvarks, armchairs, and arks that have

clear and distinct meanings, meaning for psychologists goes far beyond simple meaning

to what you really mean. Unfortunately, this desire to get under the surface appearance of

things makes standard dictionary definitions of matters psychological somewhat useless,

since everybody in the field has their own separate notions of how to redefine the

psychological wheel. Includes do it yourself generator new words. – includes two handy

lexical generators for psychological terms and syndromes

Hence, in order to clarify the deep and dumb meanings of psychology, I, Dr. Mezmer offer

my Dictionary of Bad Psychology. My definitions will be prejudiced, mean spirited,

inaccurate, and downright wicked. But hey, at least they're not in French!

Abduction: Doctrine derived from formal logic that the best explanation derives from

untestable guesses rather than testable guesses (i.e. deduction) or simple observation (i.e.

induction), thus resulting in an abdication of the need to think. For example, in the 15th

century, the limited information about how the solar system worked resulted in

explanations derived from what that information implied, and the resulting Ptolemaic or

earth centered explanation was good enough, thus permitting other hypotheses to be

dismissed and their authors burned alive. Similarly, present day evolutionary

psychologists use abductive reasoning to hold that the mind is composed of cognitive

modules (see phrenology), thus permitting other hypotheses to be dismissed and their

authors figuratively burned alive (see Steven Jay Gould).

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Revolutionary psychotherapy derived from

relational frame theory that is taking the country by storm. Currently that storm is a minor

drizzle situated over Reno, Nevada. ACT has been tested by labs across the country except

for Good Housekeeping and Underwriters Labs, and works like a charm. It is hoped that

ACT will soon join the pantheon of other time and lab tested therapies such as

psychoanalysis, transcendental meditation, and feng shui.

Addiction: When the pleasure of anticipation outweighs the logical value of the object you

are anticipating, thus making you pursue it even though further consumption of that object

will get you sick, fat, broke, or otherwise brain dead. Thus, looking forward to one beer (or

bag of chips, cigarette, spin on a roulette wheel, etc.) is not addiction, but looking forward

to a tenth beer is; conquering Italy (particularly if you are Napoleon) is not an addiction,

but conquering Russia is; playing a video game for an hour is not addiction, but

continuously playing it for twelve hours is; and looking at one picture of Britney Spears is

not an addiction, but relentlessly searching for all her pictures is. (Also see dopamine)

Addictive Behavior

ADHD: Neurological disorder discovered by drug companies, who recognized that the

need for rough and tumble play by pre-adolescents represents in fact a horrible disease that

is coincidentally treatable by their concoctions. Successfully treated ADHD sufferers (i.e.,

12 year old boys) can reenter society as self-satisfied drones who will sit idly with remote

control in hand and thus be prepared to enter the adult world. (see Simpson, Homer,

encyclopedia)

Affective Neuroscience: A branch of psychology that holds that no psychological processes

can be understood without first rooting them to an organic brain and the bio-chemical or

'affective' processes that initiate and sustain behavior. In other words, 'it's the brain, stupid!'

Affective neuroscience contrasts with other more popular and brain-less psychological

perspectives such as humanistic, behavioristic, and evolutionary psychology, which

attribute behavior to the power of metaphor (e.g. will power, stimulus-response, mental

modules). However, since affective neuroscience requires real laboratories and detailed and

testable analyses, it is much less influential than the far easier and untestable arm chair

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