OF MUTUAL BENEFIT - Ellid.doc

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Of Mutual Benefit

by Ellid

Summary: Severus and Remus strike a bargain that will benefit them both. Too bad they didn't count on some of the complications. This is set about three years after the end of the War. It is for , who wanted "mpreg romantic comedy about S's pregnancy and all the changes w/o parody or turning S. OOC. R dotes." I hope this pleases.
 

Pre-Conception

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF THEOPHRASTUS PRINCE

I, Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim Prince, wizard of unquestioned descent for five generations, being of sound health and disposing mind and memory and understanding, do make and declare this to be my last will and testament in manner and form following, to-wit:

First: It is my will and desire that my burial expenses and debts be paid for entirely out of the proceeds of my estate.

Second: It is my will and desire that my grandson, Septimus Severus Snape, halfblood issue of my only child, Eileen Europa Prince, by her Muggle consort Tobias Snape, receive my entire estate, including rents, land, funds in my vault at Gringott's Bank, and my country house, Brewer's Rest. This bequest is made contingent upon the following conditions:

A. That my said grandson leave his place of employment at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry and dwell at Brewer's Rest for the duration of his natural life. Should he wish to seek employment elsewhere, it must be only as an apothecary, as befits his maternal heritage.

B. That my said grandson disinter the remains of my daughter, Eileen Europa Prince, from whatever Muggle cemetery they repose in, and have them reburied in the family plot at Brewerton, Wilts., under her maiden name, with no reminder that she was ever married to her lout of a husband. Should my daughter's remains be cremated, her ashes may be committed or scattered in the family plot, at my grandson's discretion.

C. That my said grandson, whose dubious sexual proclivities I attribute to his father's influence, produce a child of his body within one (1) calendar year of my death, the said child to be raised in the full knowledge of its heritage as a Wizard or Witch, and given the name "Prince" as one of its baptismal names. This condition will be considered fulfilled should the said child be born or in utero at the anniversary of my death, and is not contingent upon the legitimacy of the said child. Should the said child in utero be stillborn or miscarried, my said grandson has one (1) additional calendar year to produce a second child.

Third: Should my said grandson fail in any one of these conditions (but most especially the third), I direct that he receive one (1) sickle from my estate, and that entirety remaining be donated to Mother Shipton's Dame School & Orphanage for the comfort and keeping of orphans of pure Wizarding blood.

I do appoint my solicitor, Francis Jarndyce, executor of this, my last will and testament. Should he be unable or unwilling to serve in this capacity, I appoint my cousin, Aloysius von Hohenheim of Baden Baden, Germany.

Whereof I have hereunto set my hand & seal, this 1st day of December, in the year of grace 1995, at my home at Brewer's Rest, Wilts.

Theophrastus Prince

Signed in our presence this 1st day of December, 1995.

Penelope Gudgeon

Stephen Hawksworth-Yaxley

1 March 2001

MINISTRY RELAXES RESTRICTIONS ON WEREWOLF EMPLOYMENT Reproduction banned as of next spring

By Artemis Figwit, special to the Prophet

As predicted, the Wizengamot have passed the Werewolf Control and Reproduction Act of 2001 (WCRA-01) in a stormy session. The act, a compromise between the Whigs and the Isolationists, removes most of the restrictions upon werewolves seeking employment and provides for housing and medication subsidies for newly-made weres. Whig leaders expressed their approval, and claimed that putting Wolfsbane on the National Health would do much to alleviate public fear of werewolves.

At the same time, the Wizengamot approved an amendment introduced by Narcissa Malfoy of the Isolationist Party, that bans reproduction by werewolves after 1 March 2002. "There are enough children being raised in less than ideal circumstances," said Madam Malfoy, widow of the late philanthropist Lucius Malfoy. "This is not intended as a prejudicial measure, but as a way for infected individuals to raise their position in society without having to worry about additional mouths to feed."

The reproduction clause states that male werewolves will be given a long-term contraceptive potion that will be renewed each year. Children born to women involved with werewolves more than nine months after 1 March 2002, will be taken into state custody long enough to assure that the family is financially stable and able to assure their physical safety.

"We're very pleased," said Margaret Blackburn, head of the Werewolf Rights Coalition. "For too long we've lived in poverty thanks to prejudice. It's long past time that the public realized that lycanthropy is a medical condition that can be managed with the Wolfsbane potion, and that medicated weres are no threat to public safety.

"However, we are still concerned by the reproduction provisions, and will continue our lobbying efforts to have this cruel restriction lifted. Werewolves can and do make good fathers, and there is no reason to sterilize our males, whether temporarily or not."

Geoffrey Weasley of the Gay Wizards' Activist Commission also decried the provision as being discriminatory against men, as female werewolves will not have their fertility restricted. He had no comment when it was pointed out that female werewolves are incapable of carrying a child to term...

JARNDYCE, JARNDYCE, & HOAG The Gringotts Building, 3rd Floor Diagon Alley London, England

16 March 2001

Mr. Severus Snape 2 Spinner's End Halifax, Yorks.

Re: Estate of Theophrastus Prince

Dear Mr. Snape:

It is our sad duty to inform you of the passing on 3rd March of your grandfather, Theophrastus Prince. A search of his possessions revealed a copy of his last will and testament, dated December 1995 (enclosed), which named you as the sole beneficiary of his estate, subject to certain conditions as spelled out in the will.

We would be pleased to meet with you in the next week to discuss the disposition of your grandfather's assets, most especially the provision of a stipend that will allow you to leave your place of employment per your grandfather's request so that you may begin the renovation of Brewer's Rest and find a suitable bride....

 

Owl to Remus Lupin, 29 March 2001

 

Lupin -

Please meet me for lunch tomorrow afternoon. I have received some news that I wish to discuss with you, particularly in light of the most recent idiocy perpetrated by the Wizengamot. I believe that this situation will result in something of mutual benefit to us both. I will be at the Mortar & Pestle in Alchem Alley at noon at our usual table.

I will give you fair warning: what I propose may shock you. However, given the circumstances, I can see little other choice.

S. Snape

 

"You want me to do what?"

Remus was glad that Severus had cast a muffliato on their booth before laying out his proposal. He could not help staring at the carafe of house red that sat between them. Was Severus drunk? Or had the War and its aftermath left him completely unhinged?

"I assure you, I am perfectly serious." Severus scowled and handed over an envelope. "There's my grandfather's will. Read it for yourself."

Remus unfolded the sharply creased parchment. It was just as Severus had said: his grandfather had left him a country house with manor and a few tenants, a substantial if not excessive amount of money, an old and valuable library of potions and Dark Arts texts, and the family burial plot. All Severus had to do was resign from Hogwarts (clearly the old man didn't know that Severus had been sacked, full pardon or no), scatter his mother's ashes, and father a child, and how hard could that be?

Plenty hard if you're queer. You of all people should know that. How many women have you slept with besides Tonks? Remus read over the will again, this time noticing the rather pointed comment about Severus' "sexual proclivities." Evidently the old man had known very well that his grandson had no interest in women and was determined to force him into Doing His Duty by marrying and begetting as soon as possible.

But still - how hard could it be to find a woman willing to bear a child? If the solicitor's figures were correct, Severus would have more than enough money to hire a surrogate, or even have a marriage in name only for long enough to raise a child until it was old enough for dame school. Why in heaven's name was he proposing this?

"You're mad." Remus folded the parchment and carefully replaced it in the envelope. He could not bring himself to look at Severus. "Utterly mad. What you're suggesting - "

" - has been medically possible for the last decade. Albertus Fiecke developed the process in Germany just before the fall of the Muggle Communists. He tested it on himself and some of his friends in the gay underground, and the success rate was one hundred percent." Severus produced a shrunken magazine from the breast pocket of his robes, enlarged it, and shoved it across the table. "Read for yourself. It's perfectly safe."

Remus gulped at the headline in the June 2000 issue of Modern Apothecary: FERTILITY BREAKTHROUGH ACHIEVED - Male Pregnancy a Fact. He opened the magazine to the marked page and forced himself not to blanch at a semi-nude photograph of a handsome, heavily pregnant man. "Safe - my God, Severus. You can't seriously think that this is what your grandfather wanted! Surely it would be easier to find a wife!"

Severus snorted and poured Remus a glass of wine. "Here. Drink this before you make an even bigger fool of yourself." He glared down at the will as if wishing it would disappear. "Of course that's not what he wanted. The old bastard hated my mother for eloping with a Muggle, and me for existing. He clearly intended this to torment me since he knew very well that I was gay."

"But - "

"As for finding a wife, do you truly think any witch with a brain would marry Dumbledore's murderer?" Severus steepled his fingers and stared past Remus. "I've just reached the point where I can visit Diagon Alley without being spat on. I can't imagine that there's a woman alive who'd want to go through that, especially knowing that I was interested in her solely as a breeder."

Remus set down his glass. Severus looked paler than usual, and there was a hollow look about his eyes that hadn't been there since his trial. "What about one of your old Slytherins? Half the girls were mad for you - I remember Salamina Blackstone - "

"Who is young enough to be my daughter. Even if I were straight, I'm not a cradle robber." Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "As it is - tell me, Remus, how long would her affection for me last once she realized that I was marrying her solely to get her pregnant and would never touch her again? I grew up in a home where the parents despised one another. I won't subject a child to that."

He paused, and looked Remus directly in the eye for the first time. "I don't love you, and you don't love me. But we've been colleagues for years, lovers since you came to your senses and broke with Nymphadora. Whether we remain lovers or not, I'm reasonably certain we can remain friends, and that's enough for us to raise a child together.

"Besides, I know you. You've wanted a family for years. Don't tell me that you wouldn't love to have a child before the Wizengamot forces that potion down your throat."

Remus sighed and rubbed his temples. Severus was right. He had always longed for a family of his own, and it had practically killed him when Tonks had said she wanted to wait "a few more years" before having a family. He was forty-one, and the lycanthropy had taken a hard toll on his body - how much time did she think he had left before he looked like his offspring's grandfather? "Point conceded. But getting pregnant yourself - "

"Is not how I planned to spend the next year. I'm not precisely looking forward to it. But unless you know of a potion that will instantly turn me heterosexual while bringing Albus back from the dead, I don't see an alternative."

Firelight sparkled off the carafe of wine. Remus stared at the red liquid, then at Severus. "I - I'll have to think about it. Moving in with you isn't a problem - I thought that was why you wanted to have lunch, actually. But this - " He opened the potions quarterly to a two page spread that showed Albertus Feicke, father of two, before, during, and after his first pregnancy. "I just don't know."

"I don't need a decision this afternoon." Severus hesitated, then tossed another envelope across the table. He put down a few knuts to pay for the wine. "My solicitor drew this up. It lays out my whole proposal. Read it over and let me know in a few days. I have to start work on the Androgynus variant immediately if it's to be ready in time - "

"Time? Your grandfather's will indicates that all you need is - " Remus swallowed. "All you need is to be pregnant by next March. Why the rush?"

"The potion takes a month to brew, and unless I can scrape together the money for one of the drugs that guarantees conception of a healthy child, it could be half a year before there's so much as a blastocyst." The deep voice softened. "Besides, the sooner I'm pregnant - "

Dear God, he's calm about this.

" - the sooner the first monies from the estate are released, and the sooner I can move out of that crumbling wreck in Halifax." Severus stood and pulled on his cloak. Remus could not help staring at his lean body. It was all but impossible to imagine him carrying a child.

He closed the magazine and held it out toward Severus. Severus shook his head. "Keep it. Read it over until you believe that it's possible. Then let me know."

"If I say no?"

Severus fastened his cloak. The heavy wool was shiny in places from wear, and for the first time it truly sank in just how little Severus had managed to keep after the War and the trial and the pardon. "Then either I find another man who's willing to impregnate me, spend what little I have to hire a woman who'll whore her womb, or let Mother Shipton's have the estate. Given that Mother Shipton's is a front for Narcissa Malfoy's political work, I think you can see why that is not an option."

Remus laid the second envelope and the quarterly aside. He unfolded himself from the booth and joined Severus. "I didn't know that about Mother Shipton's. And I - I think I understand why you're doing this." He laid his hands on Severus' shoulders and squeezed gently. He had lost weight since the last time they'd been together, and Remus wondered what expensive system had broken at Spinner's End this time. "I'll let you know in a week at the most."

A glimmer of something - gratitude? Fear? - flashed in the dark eyes. "Thank you. I'll wait for your owl." Severus gripped his hands for a moment before slipping free and heading for the door.

Remus watched as he threaded his way through the other tables. Some diners flinched as he passed, while at least one unsheathed a wand until Severus was out the door. It had been three years since the War ended, over two since Severus had been pardoned - when would it end?

No wonder he asked me. I'm the only person who treats him like a human being. Remus sat down and opened the envelope with the proposal in it. He'd read both documents at least twice before realizing that he'd finished a whole plate of fish and chips without knowing it. He drank most of the remaining wine and weighed the pros and cons.

You're not in love.

We're friends. We like the same books, the same sports, the same foods. We're good in bed, and we get along.

Your friends won't understand.

They didn't understand why I broke up with Tonks, so why would they understand this?

It's cold and impersonal.

We get a stable home, a child, and enough money that neither of us has to struggle again. Better that than starving in a garret and waiting for Ms. Right.

He's a murderer.

He acted under orders. The pensieve and Albus' portrait proved that. It's not as if I didn't kill Fenrir with my bare hands.

You've lost your mind.

I know.

Remus paid for his meal, left a huge tip he could barely afford, and managed to apparate to his bedsitter without splinching. He took a dose of Sober-Up and waited for the alcoholic buzz to fade before reading the documents again.

And again.

And again.

By midnight he'd made his decision.

 

Owl to Severus Snape, 30 March 2001

Severus -

I've read over the proposal and made a few modifications that I hope you'll find acceptable. Beyond that, I have no problems with the document as drafted.

I still think you're mad. But I accept. Please let me know when we can meet to go over the final paperwork and discuss logistics.

Regards,

Remus

P.S. There's a poetry reading on Friday night in Edinburgh. Are you interested? My treat, and we can spend the night at my flat. I think we both need the break.

 

Owl to Remus Lupin, 30 March 2001

 

Lupin -

Your suggestions are fine. Please meet me for dinner tonight so we can go over logistics.

Severus

P.S. Edinburgh sounds like an excellent idea.

FAMILIAL ASSOCIATION AGREEMENT

AGREEMENT made this 16th day of April, 2001, by and between SEPTIMUS SEVERUS SNAPE (hereinafter "Bearer") of Halifax, Yorks., and REMUS JOHN LUPIN (hereinafter "Begetter") of Edinburgh, Scotland.

WHEREAS, Bearer is a male Wizard over the age of 17, desirous of producing a child of his body prior to 3 March 2002, in accordance with the Last Will and Testament of Theophrastus Prince, appended hereto as Exhibit A;

WHEREAS, Begetter is a male Werewolf over the age of 17, desirous of fathering a child before March 1, 2002;

WHEREAS, Bearer is homosexual and has been unable to find a woman willing to bear a child either by natural reproduction or insemination;

WHEREAS, Begetter is primarily homosexual and has been unable to find a woman willing bear a child either by natural reproduction or insemination;

WHEREAS, Bearer and Begetter wish to enter into an agreement of mutual benefit to remedy this situation.

NOW THEREFORE, in consideration of the mutual covenants contained herein and for other good and valuable consideration, Bearer and Begetter agree as follows.

1. RELATIONSHIP.

A) Begetter will leave his place of residence and move into Bearer's home at 2 Spinner's End, Halifax, Yorks., no later than 15 May, 2001, to live with Bearer in a familial association (hereinafter "Relationship"). Upon the final distribution of the estate of Theophrastus Prince, Bearer and Begetter will reside at Brewer's Rest, Wilts., for the duration of the Relationship.

B) Begetter and Bearer will continue in their Relationship for a period of no less than five (5) calendar years from the date of this document. During this time neither may engage in a sexual or romantic association with another individual without the express written consent of the other. The term of the Relationship may be extended by mutual consent.

C) During and after the term of the Relationship, Bearer and Begetter will at all times present a cordial and united front in public, excepting only the usual and customary disagreements common to a Relationship.

2. REPRODUCTION.

A) Both parties agree to undergo full physical examinations prior to the signing of this Agreement. Begetter additionally agrees to undergo a fertility test to confirm his ability to father children.

B) Bearer agrees to take the Androgynus variant developed by Albertus Feicke no later than 1st May, 2001, with the express intent of becoming pregnant by Begetter. Bearer further agrees to take Salus Conceptus prior to any attempt at conception as a means of ensuring a healthy and viable child (hereinafter "Child").

C) Begetter agrees to use his best efforts to impregnate Bearer with a Child no later than 1st January 2002. "Best efforts" shall be construed to mean unprotected sexual intercourse during Bearer's fertile periods as determined by a competent mediwitch, and may include the use of fertility drugs, virility potions, and whatever magical and medical means are necessary to achieve a viable pregnancy.

E) During the term of his pregnancy, Bearer agrees to refrain from drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco products, marijuana, hashish, or opium, ingesting any hallucinogenic or teratogenic drugs, playing quidditch or engaging in similar vigorous sporting activity, brewing any Category III or IV potions (list appended hereto as Exhibit B), flying a broom without express medical clearance, or otherwise endangering the health or existence of the Child. The pregnancy will be monitored at all times by a qualified mediwitch.

E) During the term of Bearer's pregnancy and the subsequent life of the Relationship, Begetter agrees to take the Wolfsbane potion each month without fail.

3. FINANCES.

A) Bearer and Begetter will share all household expenses and chores equally, insofar as Bearer's health permits.

B ) After the first trimester of pregnancy, the Estate of Theophrastus Prince (hereinafter "Estate") shall pay a monthly stipend to Bearer sufficient to compensate him for medical expenses, clothing, food, and any wages lost due to pregnancy complications. The Estate may require that Bearer undergo a medical examination by a qualified mediwitch to verify the existence of the pregnancy and Bearer's inability to work.

C) Upon successful delivery of the Child, the Estate will settle upon the Begetter an annual stipend as described in Exhibit C appended hereto. This stipend will continue for the duration of Begetter's natural life and will survive the termination of the Relationship.

4. DISTRIBUTION OF THE ESTATE.

A) The Estate will be distributed to Bearer upon the following schedule:

i. A monthly stipend in accordance with Section 3 B, supra, will commence upon the Bearer entering the second trimester of his pregnancy, on or about the beginning of the thirteenth week of pregnancy. This stipend will continue until the successful delivery of the Child.

ii. Notwithstanding the above, one-third of the Estate will be delivered to Bearer's account at Gringott's Bank upon Bearer personally overseeing the reinterment and/or committal of the remains of Eileen Europa Prince (aka Eileen Europa Snape) at the Prince family gravesite at the church of St. Michael and All Angels, Brewerton, Wilts. The said reinterment and/or committal will take place no later than 30 November, 2001, and will be witnessed by Francis Jarndyce, executor of the Estate.

iii. The deed to Brewer's Rest, and sufficient funds for Bearer and Begetter to make any necessary repairs and/or renovations thereto, will be given over to Bearer upon completion of Section 4A(i), supra. Bearer and Begetter will move into Brewer's Rest no later than 31 January, 2002, unless Bearer is experiencing pregnancy-related complications and cannot be moved without endangering himself or the Child.

iv. The remainder of the Estate, excepting only those monies escrowed to provide for Begetter's stipend for the stipulated five years of the Relationship, will be distributed to Bearer upon the successful delivery of the Child. Further arrangements for the stipend are subject to negotiation between Bearer and Begetter, but in no circumstances shall the stipend be less than sufficient for Begetter to provide for the Child's physical, emotional, and educational needs during holidays and visitations

5. THE CHILD.

A) The Child of this Relationship shall bear the surname "Prince." "Lupin-Snape." It shall receive "Prince" as one of its baptismal names.

B) Begetter will have full parental and custodial rights to the Child, including reasonable visitation, upon the dissolution of the Relationship, except as described below.

C) The Child shall attend a Wizarding dame school beginning no later than its sixth birthday, and shall continue in same until its acceptance at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Beauxbatons Academy, Durmstrang, or any equivalent educational institutional in Europe or the United Kingdom or the United States of America. It will not, under any circumstances, attend a Muggle school during the years of its minority, excepting holiday enrichment and/or entertainment programs at Muggle museums, public schools, or the like, under the direct supervision of Begetter .

D) The Child shall be raised in the Church of England, with one godparent chosen by Bearer and one by Begetter. The choice of said godparents is not subject to veto by either party, and may include purebloods, halfbloods, or Muggleborns.

D> E) All other details of childrearing and domestic life will be determined by mutual consent between Bearer and Begetter in the course of their Relationship.

6. PENALTIES.

This Agreement will be null and void upon the following:

A) Begetter is medically incapable of fathering a Child.

B) Bearer is unable to carry a Child to term.

C) Either Bearer or Begetter enters into a sexual or romantic relationship without the consent of the other party.

D) Either Bearer or Begetter brings public shame and calumny upon the other, the Relationship, or the Child.

E) Begetter fails to take a monthly dose of Wolfsbane for the life of the Relationship or infects either Bearer or the Child. Not relevant, werewolves don't attack their mates or children. RJL Agreed. SSS

6. LAW.

A) This Agreement has been drafted, negotiated and executed in the United Kingdom, and shall be governed by, construed and enforced in accordance with the Wizarding laws thereof.

B) This is the entire Agreement between Bearer and Begetter, and modification of subsequent agreement must be in writing and signed by both parties. This Agreement may be executed in counterparts.

Signed by our hands and seals.

BEARER

Septimus Severus Snape

BEGETTER

R.J. Lupin

 

Contents of package sent home with Severus Snape and Remus Lupin after pre-conception visit, 20 April 2001:

Facsimile of medical reports certifying that both parties are healthy, free of genetic disease, and in full possession of the wizarding gene, with an additional paragraph certifying that Remus is capable of fathering a child, and that lycanthropy cannot be passed genetically or during intercourse when he is in human form. The original reports were portkeyed directly to Jarndyce, Jarndyce & Hoag.

1 pamphlet on the pros and cons of breast-feeding, courtesy of the Royal Society of British Nursing Witches (slightly crumpled, as if thrown in the trash).

1 booklet from the Magical Midwifery Association on diet and exercise in pregnancy, with the weight gain specifications for "underweight mother" underlined twice in red ink.

A three months' supply of prenatal vitamins, along with dosing schedule. The prescription can be refilled monthly upon confirmation of pregnancy.

1 course of Salus Conceptus in a factory-sealed box, with instructions to begin taking as soon as first menses ends.

1 pamphlet entitled Your Changing Body: A Girl's Guide to Menstruation, as well as a one month's supply of hygiene pads and instructions on use.

Pregnancy Month By Month, by Sharon Kitzmiller, RMW, bookmarked to a chapter entitled "Brave New World: The Latest in Reproductive Magic."

So She's Having A Baby: A Wizard's Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth, by Algernon Spicer-Simpson.

Schedule of childbirth classes at St. Mungo's, with the November dates circled.

Incantation and wand motions for spells to determine ovulation and conception.

Calendar with tentative schedule of antenatal appointments running through February 2002.

Poppy Pomfrey's emergency floo connection.

 

Conception...