{50}{117}TANNOY: 'Dr Phillips,|you are needed in surgery.' {117}{157}Right, OK. {157}{282}Now if you'd like to get|ready to be examined and|Dr Lawrence will be in shortly. {282}{332}OK, thanks, yeah. Thanks. {382}{458}This programme contains adult|humour. {685}{734}I've been thinking. {734}{772}Don't freak out. {830}{888}I think we should move back|to Bristol. {963}{1071}We only really started|arguing when we moved up here. {1071}{1139}Well, what about our jobs? {1177}{1237}I could be based down|in Bristol. {1237}{1299}I'm sure they'd have|you back in your old job. {1342}{1385}This could be good for us. {1465}{1510}I'm not saying 'no'. {1552}{1610}But I just need to think about it. {1912}{1984}I'm Ms Lawrence. I'm your surgeon. {1984}{2066}So, er, how do you want me? {2066}{2129}You only needed to lower|your trousers and pants. {2129}{2296}I know, but they looked ridiculous|bunched up around my ankles, so,|er, I lost the trousers completely. {2296}{2416}Now we're looking at jacket and|shirt, naked, shoes and socks. {2416}{2463}That's not doing me any favours. {2463}{2529}So, I lose the jacket and shirt. {2529}{2635}Naked, shoes and socks.|I mean they've got to go, right? {2635}{2686}So, er, {2686}{2745}here we are. {2745}{2814}So I see. {2814}{2871}I've got your test results.|Right, right. {2871}{2960}We'll just have a quick chat|before I examine you. Take a seat. {2960}{3045}So, er do you want me to|get dressed? It's up to you. {3045}{3117}However you're most... comfortable. {3374}{3452}No, I... I'm sorry this,|this is not working for me. {3452}{3502}Oh. {3502}{3578}Here. Thank you, thanks. {3651}{3704}Have you told everyone|we're back together? {3704}{3754}Yeah, I think most people. {3754}{3827}Well, does Jack know? {3827}{3865}No, not yet. {3909}{3975}You work with him every day. {3975}{4138}I know, it's just not exactly great|timing - the lump and everything. {4138}{4199}"I'm back with my husband! {4199}{4292}"Good for me!|Sorry about your testicle." {4292}{4362}How is he? Terrified. {4362}{4401}Other than that, {4401}{4480}he's his usual irritating self. {4518}{4592}Have you checked yours?|I went down there with a mirror. {4592}{4660}I've checked every|wrinkle, crinkle and wrunkle. {4698}{4741}A simple 'yes' would've done. {4830}{4890}Oh, got to get ready. {4953}{5040}Oh, mother...! I'm sorry, sorry,|sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. {5040}{5107}What is it with you and my legs? {5107}{5156}I don't know. Sorry. {5249}{5307}I'm afraid it's not good news.|Oh, Jesus. I'm dying. {5307}{5352}You're not dying. {5352}{5433}The lump is cancerous, but it's not|malignant. We've caught it early. {5433}{5525}I won't know for certain|until I operate, {5525}{5577}but we may have to remove|the testicle. {5692}{5746}Even if we have to remove|the testicle... {5746}{5837}Can you just, can you just|stop saying that, please. {5837}{5889}You can still have children. {5889}{5983}You think I'm going to be able|to find a woman as a one-ball? {5983}{6057}I mean, let's face it, it's not|going to look very pretty, is it? {6057}{6135}Aesthetically,|they're not the most attractive|things in the world anyway. {6135}{6263}Oh, great, I tell you what, why|don't you cut them both off,|make yourself a pair of earrings! {6263}{6332}Oh, Jesus! {6332}{6414}I've offended you. You're going|to be cutting into my testicles {6414}{6490}with a scalpel and I've offended|you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. {6490}{6566}I'll tell you what. {6566}{6698}Can we start again? I'm going to|go and get dressed. Yeah. {7979}{8067}I'm sorry. I just wish I hadn't|made all those cancer jokes. {8067}{8129}That's really come back to|bite me on the arse. {8226}{8289}Have you ever, you know,|with a one-ball? {8327}{8385}Er, I can't say I have. {8385}{8423}RINGS DOORBELL {8423}{8485}Haven't, or wouldn't? {8485}{8523}Haven't. {8523}{8651}OK. You're disgustingly drunk.|You pick up some sleazy guy in a|club. You take him back to yours. {8651}{8745}You're on your hands and knees,|you unzip his fly... {8745}{8848}Sounds like an average weekend.|You reach in, whip it out.|He's a one-ball. {8848}{8931}Now are you still up for|a filthy night of cheap, sordid sex? {8931}{8985}Do we have to do this right now? Yes! {8985}{9141}If I like this sleazy guy|that I just met in a club,|I don't care how many balls he's got. {9141}{9179}To be continued. {9179}{9224}Hi. {9232}{9274}Gemma G's been abducted. {9274}{9329}Who? Gemma G. {9329}{9397}Never heard of her. {9397}{9460}I'm surprised you haven't. {9460}{9556}They have had three number ones.|Here, take a look. {9556}{9617}This is Gemma G.|She's with the band... {9663}{9723}Candy Crew? {9723}{9822}And you are? Richard Anderson.|I'm their manager. Oh. {9822}{9861}G for...? {9861}{9932}G for gorgeous. She wanted to|be "like that H from Steps". {9932}{9999}You know like, H for hyperactive. {9999}{10097}I always thought it was H|for homosexual? Apparently not. {10097}{10205}Ah, please allow me to|introduce Gemma's band mates. {10205}{10277}This is Lucy B and Tina T.|They're police officers. {10277}{10325}Have you found her? {10325}{10374}Not yet. We are working on it. {10374}{10428}Tina T. {10428}{10470}T for, er...? T for teeth. {10470}{10511}Oh, right. {10511}{10593}B for...? B for bouncy, silly. {10593}{10660}As in "I'm so much crazy fun". {10660}{10703}Yeah, come on! Woo! Woo! {10731}{10775}Woo! Lucy. {10775}{10834}When was Gemma abducted?|This morning. {10834}{10874}Me and Lucy came back from the gym. {10874}{10935}The door was open and the|place was all messed up. {10935}{11015}Some sick psycho's probably|putting his thing in her|puff-ball right now. {11090}{11193}Can you think of anyone who|might want to... harm her? {11193}{11301}Cheryl Cole. Really?|Yeah she's just a jealous bitch,|cos Gemma's got better skin than her. {11301}{11396}It wasn't Cheryl Cole. Can we see|Gemma's bedroom? Yes, of course. {11436}{11481}Cheryl Cole?! {11481}{11519}Now just wait. {11728}{11789}Hmm, looks like she put up a fight. {11789}{11827}Hmm. {11876}{11933}TOILET FLUSHES {11934}{12000}Hey Naz. When did you get here? {12000}{12066}About half an hour ago. {12066}{12107}You want to|take us through what happened? {12107}{12200}It looks the intruder climbed up|the drainpipe, smashed the window. {12200}{12285}Gemma comes from the bathroom,|sees the intruder. {12285}{12311}"A-a-a-argh!" {12311}{12352}Jesus! Jesus Christ. {12352}{12399}"What're you doing in my bedroom?" {12399}{12453}AMERICAN ACCENT:|"I'm abducting you, bitch!" {12453}{12500}The intruder grabs Gemma.|They struggle. {12683}{12796}Gemma was overpowered by the|intruder and dragged downstairs. {12796}{12838}"I got plans for you girl. {12838}{12933}"Me and you are going to get to|know each other real well..." {12933}{13007}"Argh! Argh!" {13081}{13127}"Come on, bitch!" {13127}{13212}What's with the American accent?|Don't know. {13212}{13287}Do you need anything else?|No, I think we've got that. {13287}{13437}Maybe you could dust for prints?|Sure, I'll go get my box. {13437}{13562}You'd better take a look around.|I'll, er, I'll go and|talk with the girls. {14391}{14469}Hey, are you OK? Sorry. {14469}{14508}That's all right. {14550}{14635}Gemma's always taken care of me. {14635}{14678}I'm nothing without her. {14678}{14734}Now, that's not true. {14734}{14791}She's the only one|of us who can sing. {14791}{14866}Me and Lucy, we just mime. {14866}{14955}I'm just a pair of tits on legs. {14955}{15058}No. T for teeth, hmm? {15058}{15138}That's bullshit.|No-one's looking at my teeth. {15138}{15182}Hey, you've got a beautiful smile. {15182}{15259}Yeah, maybe not right now,|but you know... {15303}{15380}I don't know what I'll do|if something happens to her. {15380}{15450}Yeah. {15450}{15516}I know what it's like to|lose someone you love. {15516}{15583}Really? {15583}{15644}They're probably going to have|to cut my right testicle off. {15644}{15701}I'm going to be a one-ball. {15747}{15793}Can you tell us who this man is? {15793}{15833}That's John Paul. {15833}{15879}He's lovely. {15879}{15937}He comes to all of our concerts. {15937}{16069}He's always sending us presents and|flowers, and baking us cookies. {16069}{16163}Sometimes, he hangs around|outside the house all night. {16163}{16291}He's a super fan.|Otherwise known as a stalker. {16475}{16527}I mean, why not just have her naked? {16527}{16567}That should shift a few more units. {16567}{16629}God forbid we|focus on a woman's talents. {16629}{16667}I think you're|looking at her talents. {16667}{16724}She's got a lot of talent. {16724}{16769}Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it. {16769}{16832}Is that right? You wouldn't have a|problem if this was your daughter? {16832}{16878}She's not my daughter.|She's someone's daughter. {16878}{16939}Everyone woman I've ever had sex|with is someone's daughter. {16939}{17051}It's never stopped me|from playing Daddy. Ugh! {17051}{17116}I think that might|have come out wrong. {17116}{17172}OK, if your daughter|was a stripper... {17172}{17278}Why is my daughter a stripper?|Ahh! So you would mind? {17278}{17362}What if your son was a rapist?|How is that relevant? You started it. {17362}{17504}I want you to acknowledge how|you'd feel if your daughter made her|living by having men leering at her. {17504}{17642}OK. How would you feel if your|rapist son attacked my stripper|daughter, threw acid in her face. {17642}{17699}She's disfigured for life,|can't even work. {17699}{17750}I wouldn't defend him. {17788}{17830}Your own son? {17830}{17891}Some mother you'd be! {17891}{17932}PHONE BEEPS {18428}{18526}Who's that?|No-one. It's obviously someone. {18526}{18594}It's a friend.|Oh, is she good looking? {18594}{18645}I'm...
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