Making Money (Discworld, #36).pdf

Making Money

Terry Pratchett

THE DARK SIDE OF THE SUN

THE UNADULTERATED CAT (cartoons by Gray Jolliffe) •

(With Stephen Briggs, illustrated by Paul Kidby)

DISCWORLD'S UNSEEN UNIVERSITY DIARY 1998 •

DISCWORLD'S ANKH-MORPORK CITY WATCH DIARY 1999 •

DISCWORLD'S ASSASSINS' GUILD YEARBOOK AND DIARY 2000 •

DISCWORLD'S FOOLS' GUILD YEARBOOK AND DIARY 2001 •

DISCWORLD'S THIEVES' GUILD YEARBOOK AND DIARY 2002 •

DISCWORLD'S (REFORMED) VAMPYRE'S DIARY 2003 •

DISCWORLD'S ANKH-MORPORK POST OFFICE HANDBOOK DIARY 2007 •

♣ also available in audio/CD • published by Victor Gollancz

■ published by Samuel French ♦ published by Methuen Drama

☼ published by Ebury Press * published by Oxford University Press

♠ published by Colin Smythe

TRANSWORLD PUBLISHERS

61-63 Uxbridge Road, London W5 5SA

A Random House Group Company www.rbooks.co.uk

First published in Great Britain in 2007 by Doubleday an imprint of Transworld Publishers

Terry Pratchett has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author

of this work.

This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or

dead, is purely coincidental.

Discworld® is a trademark registered by Terry Pratchett

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978-0385-61101-5

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Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Epilogue

Footnotes

Author's Note

Hemlines as a measure of national crisis (p.64): The author will be forever grateful to the renowned

military historian and strategist Sir Basil Liddell Hart for imparting this interesting observation to him

in 1968. It may explain why the mini-skirt has, since the sixties, never really gone out of style.

Students of the history of computing will recognize in the Glooper a distant echo of the Phillips

Economic Computer, built in 1949 by engineer-turned-economist Bill Phillips, which also made an

impressive hydraulic model of the national economy. No Igors were involved, apparently. One of the

early machines can be found in the Science Museum, London, and a dozen or so others are on display

around the world for the interested observer.

And finally, as ever, the author is grateful to the British Heritage Joke Foundation for its work in

ensuring that the fine old jokes never die…

Chapter 1

Waiting in darkness — A bargain sealed — The hanging man — Golem with a blue dress — Crime and

punishment — A chance to make real money — The chain of gold-ish — No unkindness to bears — Mr

Bent keeps time

T HEY LAY IN THE DARK , guarding. There was no way of measuring the passage of time, nor any

inclination to measure it. There was a time when they had not been here, and there would be a time,

presumably, when they would, once more, not be here. They would be somewhere else. This time in

between was immaterial.

But some had shattered and some, the younger ones, had gone silent.

The weight was increasing.

Something must be done.

One of them raised his mind in song.

It was a hard bargain, but hard on whom? That was the question. And Mr Blister the lawyer wasn't

getting an answer. He would have liked an answer. When parties are interested in unprepossessing land,

it might pay for smaller parties to buy up any neighbouring plots, just in case the party of the first part

had heard something, possibly at a party.

But it was hard to see what there was to know.

He gave the woman on the other side of his desk a suitably concerned smile.

'You understand, Miss Dearheart, that this area is subject to dwarf mining law? That means all metals

and metal ore are owned by the Low King of the dwarfs. You will have to pay him a considerable

royalty on any that you remove. Not that there will be any, I'm bound to say. It is said to be sand and

silt all the way down, and apparently it is a very long way down.'

He waited for any kind of reaction from the woman opposite, but she just stared at him. Blue smoke

from her cigarette spiralled towards the office ceiling.

'Then there is the matter of antiquities,' said the lawyer, watching as much of her expression as could be

seen through the haze. 'The Low King has decreed that all jewellery, armour, ancient items classified as

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